"Undo it, take it back, make everyday the previous one until I am returned to the day before the one that made you gone. Or set me on an airplane traveling west, crossing the date line again and again, losing this day, then that, until the day of loss still lies ahead, and you are here instead of sorrow."
- Nessa Rapoport
~*~
Kian Lawley
She pouted playfully, crossing her arms in my plaid shirt, "come on Kian, please? For me?"
The way she said my name gave me goosebumps, because her whining voice reminded me of Andrea's. The way she acted when she fake pouted, reminded me of the way Andrea would do it. Everything she did, reminded me of Andrea.
"You know you want to, you just don't want to admit it," she teased and kissed my cheek, "come on, let's watch the Titanic!"
I cringed at the thought of watching the Titanic with her. Whenever I thought of that devastating, tragic movie, her name came to me. I remember the time she and I acted out movies and we acted out a Titanic scene.
"Why?"
Meredith crawled under the covers of her bed, "because Jack is super hot."
"He dies," I remind her, "and leaves poor Rose to fend for herself, without the love of her life. She's forced to go through life, without him."
She sighed, knowing I was thinking about Andrea, "Kian. You know how I feel when you bring Andrea up like that. We can watch what you want to watch then, what should we watch?"
My eyebrows furrowed together as I thought to myself. "Tangled."
She got up and went through her stack of DVDs until she found Tangled, "is this your favorite movie?"
"It's my favorite Disney movie, at the least."
"Okay," she set the movie up and then got back underneath the bed covers, right next to me. She curled up in a small ball beside me and laid her head on my chest, "I love you Kian."
I hummed quietly to myself, debating on what to say. "I love you too," each word was said with guilt. I'd rather be saying it to Andrea, but I couldn't. I was saying it to Meredith, the person I was not in love with.
"Love me," she whined, realizing how I was not into her at all.
I put my arm around her shoulder and gently rubbed her shoulder, "sorry, just lost in my thoughts again. You know, about her. I can't help it Meredith, my apologies."
She sat up and looked me in the eyes, "it's been sixteen, almost seventeen months Kian. You asked me out two months ago, you need to move on. It's been two months into this relationship, and you still look at me in disgust. I know, I'm not Andrea. I'm never going to be her either, and I get that. I understand you lost someone you love, but that doesn't mean you should shy away from me. I'm trying to be there for you, but it's hard when you push me away."
"I know, I know. I'm not into this relationship. I'm trying, I will get better. Just give me some time, I promise I really like you, just let me get used to this. Okay?"
She nodded in agreement, "okay."
I pulled her back into my chest and wrapped my arm around her shoulder.
"Let's just watch this movie, then take a nice nap together. Does that sound good to you?"
She nodded against my chest and wrapped her arm around my chest, "yes."
