Black Lotus

27 - Tears

October 21, 2016 | Friday

She came and went as she pleased. The majority of the time she arrived when I least expected it. And even in my best living moments I knew that she was sitting in the dark watching me, plotting her next move like a game of chess. People have told me that I could get rid of her, that I had the ability to beat her so she'd never come back. But that was all a farce. She caused me to have nightmares, and to want to end my life. But she made me feel so stupid that I didn't even have the guts to do that. The worst feeling was envisioning her over my shoulder daring me to challenge her.

On this particular morning, I woke up regretting that I woke up. I was a waste of space in the atmosphere. I was convinced that there is more comfort in leaving this world than there is coming into it. Around me was a genuine feeling of unhappiness and exhaustion. No, this was nowhere near new, the only thing was that Rafael was dying to know what was happening to me, but I couldn't speak. I was still set in this "silent phase," plus I wasn't sure what to say to him. He gave up the very second bitter tears streamed out of my eyes and down my face.

I just knew that something wasn't right.

"I'm sorry, Oasis. This entire time I've made an effort to make you speak but you don't have to. Talking it out doesn't automatically fix everything. But if you change your mind you know I'm here." He kissed my cheek and got up to go do whatever.

"Yeah, Yvette? I can't come into work today, I'm sick," I heard him say, followed by a few fake coughs and sneezes. That made me smile on the inside. Rafael was a sweetheart yet I took him for granted most of the time. "Yes, I am aware that I had to work with them today, but just tell them that I apologize and we'll have to reschedule for another day."

He hung up.

"Well, I'm here with you the whole day. Since you aren't talking, you can blink once for yes and twice for no, okay hon?"

I blinked once.

There was a knock on the front door downstairs and Rafael rolled his eyes.

"People always fail to call or text before they come over here, I swear. I'll be back."

I peered through the curtains of the windows. A white man with an unpleasant face and a red beard stood outside, patiently waiting on Rafael to answer the door. Now, what the man looked like didn't surprise me, it was who he was that startled me a bit.

"Dad? What are you doing here?" I heard Rafael's voice come from downstairs.

"I came to see my son. What else would I be here for?"

"I dunno Dad, you tell me."

"Just to see you, I promise. Now where is this beautiful wife and child I hear about so much?"

Rafael sighed. "I don't have a wife, and I don't have a kid either."

"But the last time I saw you you were about to get married and your fianceé was pregnant.

"Claudia died during a miscarriage a few years ago."

"So do you just live alone? You don't have a girlfriend or anything son?"

"I don't have a girlfriend but I'm not lonely either. I have friends and people who come to visit me."

"So do you have a boyfriend?"