Black Lotus

28 - Sweeping the Shards

October 26, 2016 | Wednesday

How much hurting do you have to go through for emotional pain to become physical? What happens when something that was once in your head finally becomes matter and breaks you? And when that matter is there for you to touch, how come nobody else can see it but you? Why is life full of people who can't understand you except you? Nobody was put on the earth just for you but it would be nice if it felt as though someone was... If only someone could fit into your atmosphere and breathe your oxygen.

I was in pain. Physical pain. The problems in my head had traveled to my stomach and spine. For the last several days I was vomiting every hour on the hour as well as crying. Rafael had called to check up on me but I didn't bother to answer my phone. Hell, even Max left a voicemail saying that he wanted to talk but I was at my peak of shattering into a million pieces. Nobody could see me like this, I was in despair, and I was weak. The world was crashing on my shoulders, and I was no Superman.

My head was throbbing and I was just about ready to pass out when someone rushed in the house to come help me.

"Girl, what happened to you? You look a hot mess!"

"Adelaide?"

"In the flesh. Who else would it be?" She rushed to lay me down on the couch.

"I expected anyone else. Even Santa Claus."

"I'm sorry. I know that the last time you saw me we weren't on the best of terms. But I heard about your mother, Max, and everything else. I feel like crap. During a period like this where you're already going through hell you need a friend, not another enemy."

"Thanks Ade."

"No problem. Now what the heck happened to you? It looks like death has been knocking on your front door waiting for you to come out."

"I'm feeling under the weather today, that's all."

"Oh please, I know that there is more to it than that. You need rest and time to get back on your feet. That's why I'm here with you."

"This has to be done on my own. Some paths are to be followed by one person."

"It seems that everyone has to tell you that there's nothing wrong with receiving help. Get that stuff about pride out of your head."

She was telling me the truth. My pride shouldn't exist anymore. I couldn't afford to have it since it was too dangerous. It's what got me stuck in this situation in the first place.

"I'll do what you say but I'm bound to fail. It's too late for me to fix any of this. I would turn back time if I had the ability but you and I both know that's impossible. But fixing this can't be so difficult."

"Where do I begin?"

"That's easy," she tossed me my phone and I caught it, "call Maximilian."

"I don't want to speak to him. I'm trying to forget I ever met him, Ade."

"Now unless you get amnesia, that Max is stuck in your brain forever. Oasis you might as well have a good memory of him."

I dialed Max's number and he picked up directly after the first ring. The first thing Max said was, "It's you!" He put a lot of emphasis on "you" because maybe he expected to not hear from me again anytime soon.