Troubled // Phan

Chapter 9

You know those awkward silences between two people where the air feels disgustingly thick with tension and you kind of just want to scream or cry or laugh, just anything to break the quiet? That's whats happening with me and PJ right now. Ever since we sat down next to each other in this ridiculously coloured science room he hasn't uttered a word. He's barely even looked at me. He's just been staring emptily at the front of the classroom with his lips in this weird shape that I think is supposed to resemble a smile. I know that the fight with Chris is bothering him. How could it not? I don't even know if they've ever been in a serious fight (although going by how horribly they're both dealing with it the answer would probably be that they haven't). My eyes keep awkwardly drifting from the teacher at the front of the class (Mr. Green) back to the fellow brunette sitting next to me. He seemed to take notice of my uncomfortable fidgeting because he breathed out a sigh before turning towards me and giving me a weak smile, nothing like the near grimace he had on a minute ago.

"I don't bite you know." His voice was barely above a whisper, no doubt trying to keep our conversation out of the teachers radar.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been staring at me since we sat down. I'm not stupid, I know you have something to say." I chewed on my bottom lip as thoughts flickered through my head. Was it even any of my business to ask him about Chris? Would he tell me even if I asked? It's not like we know each other well or anything. I'm hardly the first person he'd go to for advice or a shoulder to cry on or whatever, but at the same time the curiosity was slowly eating me alive.

"What happened with you and Chris this morning?" he started to nervously play with his ear lobe.

"We got in a fight." My eyes automatically rolled. He was either really dense or just desperately trying to avoid giving me a straight answer.

"No shit Sherlock. I was asking what you were fighting about." Now he looked away from me and started writing down notes. He was definitely doing nothing to dull my curiosity.

"Its... personal..." I sighed softly. Clearly I wasn't going to get an actual answer yet.

"You don't have to tell me but I'm here if you need someone to talk to," he looked up at me through the loose curls falling in front of his eyes, "Strictly confidential of course." We both just sat listening to the teacher after that. He was writing notes and I was glancing at the other students around us.

Two guys a few rows in front of us caught my eye with their full body laughter and occasional playful shove. Clearly they weren't nearly as concerned about attracting the teachers attention as PJ was and the teacher seemed equally as uncaring about them. After watching them for less then two minutes I was almost positive they were a 'thing'. They both had vaguely similar hairstyles of the shaved undercut, although ones hair was died a vibrant green that almost looked toxic and the other was a bright red that stood out for miles compared to the more dull colours of the rest of the students. Every now and then they would lean in extra close and laugh a bit lower, and more intimately before pulling back and continuing their earlier less intense conversation. They seemed... content. Even more than that actually. They seemed genuinely happy, as if nothing else mattered except for whatever lame jokes the other one was making. Relationships had never been my thing. Too much commitment and too much pressure, but I still held some respect for couples when I saw them successfully pulling it off.

A slight throat clearing and movement from PJ's direction had me looking over at him expectantly. He wasn't looking at me and was instead staring faithfully down at his notebook but he spoke up and that was more than enough to re-start our conversation.

"Chris found me... hooking up with someone." PJ's voice was definitely more timid than usual like he was expecting me to judge him or be disappointed with him through that sentence alone, not that I would or even had the right to in the first place. I'm pretty sure I'm the last person with the right to slut shame someone for random hook ups. My track record wasn't exactly great in that department after all.