The Emo School (A Fanfic)

Chapter 28

I step into the bar and the familiar smell of alcohol, sweat and perfume hits me. My favourite bar. This is where I come when I need to forget something, and fast. That's why I'm a regular. At least Mom has Mikey to be proud of. It's a shame I'm such a screw-up.

The bartender nods at me as I sit down on my favourite bar stool. I should probably be ashamed that I come here so much I have a favourite bar stool, but that's not part of my plan for tonight. I just want to get as drunk as possible. Just for one night, I want to forget about all my problems. About the band. About my lack of a social life. About the kiss. 

I didn't intend to kiss Frank. It just sort of happened. He's a man. I'm a man. We're not supposed to kiss. The thing is, kissing Frank felt good. And that's what I'm scared of. That's what I'm trying to forget. I don't know how to cope with all these new feelings. I guess I'd better start drinking.

I down my drink, then signal to the waiter and he brings me another. I down this one too, then the next one, then the next. I begin to feel lightheaded. I feel amazing, ecstatic, free. There was something I was trying to forget and now it's long gone from my mind, whatever it was. 

I carry on until I feel like my mind has separated from my body completely. I'm up on cloud nine. But that's the thing about being up on cloud nine. You have to come down some time.

An hour later, and I don't feel so great anymore. My head starts to pound and I'm sweating all over. Everything blends into one big blur of music, people and alcohol. 

I stagger outside and the fresh air hits me. My stomach lurches and I ungracefully stumble over to a bush and throw up violently. My alcohol high is fading  fast and now I just feel kinda gross. My stomach churns and I have just enough time to get back to the bush before I puke again. I throw up again and again until there's nothing left. My head feels a thousand times heavier. I manage to stand up, using the wall for support. I smell pretty disgusting and I don't feel too great either.

This is what used to happen back in the early days of MCR. But Frank was always there to look after me. Frank. The one guy I've been trying so hard to forget tonight. My way home was always through him. What would he say if he saw me like this? I want him, no, need him. I want him to take me home and let me sleep on his couch. I want him to stroke my hair and tell me everything is going to be ok. I want him to kiss me like he did yesterday. Wait, what? It's just because you're drunk, Gerard. You don't mean that. Yeah, I'm just really drunk right now, I decide. 

Somewhere in my mind, I feel the urge to go home. I follow my instinct and start shakily making my way down the path. That's what Frank always telling me to do. Follow my instinct. Just like when I kissed him. No, not like that! That was a mistake, I convince myself. Suddenly, the world starts spinning and my vision blurs. I squeeze my eyes shut and grip the rail tightly until it stops.

I want to just lie down, or go back into the bar and drink myself further into oblivion. But I know I need to get home. Finding my way home isn't an issue. This is the bar I always go to, and I've walked this way many times, normally drunk out of my mind. It's getting there that might be a problem, since I'm probably the drunkest I've ever been. 

I slowly walk across the car park, my steps uneven and shaky. Feeling ill, I finally reach the road. I step out without bothering to look. People always stop for me anyway. I hear the roar of a car. That's pretty loud for a car on the other side of the road. At least I think it's the other side. There probably weren't any on this side anyway. The roar gets louder and I ignore it.

BANG! Something collides with me. My vision goes black and I fall to the floor.