Beyond the Stars *Dark Louis Tomlinson*

Chapter 24

The abortion clinic is harsh and uninviting. 

There are other girls sitting in the chairs beside me. Some are young, even younger than me, scared out of their minds. Others look more experienced, but there is still that look of pure horror in their eyes. I'm sure I have that same look. Everyone here is beyond different from each other, but we can relate on one thing. We are scared out of our damn minds.

None of us wanted to have an abortion. We've all explored the possibility of adoption, maybe even being able to keep it, but we know that those options are unsuccessful. Thousands of kids are lost in the adoption and foster care system, never to grow up properly or to have the same opportunities as others. And if I were to choose a couple myself, I still don't know if they would actually take care of this baby. Background checks are good, but there's still that possibility that you just never know who someone is. 

I could never actually keep the baby. I am in no financial nor emotional state to do that. I'm not even twenty yet. I just can't be a mother at this moment in time. Maybe in a couple of years, but not right now. And Louis. He still doesn't even know. He never will. But I know that if he was to find out, he would also want me to get an abortion. Or maybe he'd even leave me. No. He wouldn't do that. I think his mother would beat the shit out of him if he did that. 

Louis is in such an unstable part of his life right now, too. He is trying to recover from his depression and keep it under control while still running an illegal underground boxing empire. He has so many enemies that would go after his loved ones. I wouldn't mind if they came after me. I can take care of myself. But a baby would never be able to survive those enemies. And I can't go through the torture of losing a child. Louis would blame himself forever. We'd maybe even fall apart again. I don't know. There's just so much to lose if I keep this baby.

The waiting room of the clinic gradually becomes more and more empty. I'm one of the last appointments this morning, so I knew this would happen. But even so, I get more and more anxious as each girl leaves to go in for their appointment. And when I'm alone, my mind is racing.

I got no sleep at all last night. Not even a wink. I stayed up all night, hand on my stomach, and just the thought about Louis. I also thought about Andrew. I thought about Charlie. My mother. My father. Eleanor. Harry. Name it and I thought about it all last night. I drank a gigantic coffee this morning before coming to this appointment and took a nice hot shower, but even so I look like a gigantic mess. My wavy hair is very frizzy, so I just threw it up into a bun. I'm in all sweats, scared that people will be able to see the pregnancy bump that I don't even have. I just can't wait until this is all over.

There's a familiar song emitting from the quiet speakers in the waiting room. It's an old melody, haunting and almost ethereal. It makes me leave this moment for a little bit, just close my eyes and take in what is about to happen, and then I can see it. Him. Green eyes and floppy curly hair. A tall, lanky, awkward stature. I recognise that face from the photographs I saw a little while ago.

It's Harry.

I know that I'm only seeing him because I'm dangerously sleep-deprived and going through a lot of stress right now, but he's so real. I just stare at him, unsure of what to say. What even do I say to the man my boyfriend was completely in love with? I'm pregnant with his love's child. How do I even begin to explain how sorry I am?

His voice is low, raspy. I can't even begin to grasp what he is saying to me. It's all in whispers, overlapping each other, barely audible. But I know what he's saying.

"Louis and I always wanted kids."

"You're more than capable of being a mother right now."

"He'd want you to keep that baby."