Beyond the Stars *Dark Louis Tomlinson*

Chapter 11

"Physical therapy today went well," I tell my mum over the phone. "I still have to wear my cast for a few more weeks, though. My doctor says I'm recovering nicely and it's just a matter of time now."

"That's excellent, sweetheart," she says happily. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm on my break at work," I say. "My job doesn't require me to stand and walk around, which is great. I get to listen to Beatles records all day."

"Sounds like you're living the dream," she chuckles. "You're going to get a real job, right? I know the record store is great for you at the moment and I'm happy you like it. But are you going to follow your dream of becoming a musician?"

"Of course. When things are easier. Being in the music business is tough, Mum. But I will make it. I'll make sure to get you, Dad, and Charlie front row tickets to my first concert."

"We'll be cheering the loudest, as always."

I smile. "Look, Mum, I've got to go. My break is almost over and I don't want to get in trouble. Everyone knows how much I need this job."

"I understand. Have a good night, sweetie. Call me soon. I love you."

"Love you, too, Mum. Bye."

I hang up my cell phone and place it on the table of the break room. My shift lets out in about an hour and a half. It's been a slow day. It's a late Thursday afternoon. Brendan will be coming in soon for the night shift. I crutch back into the main room of the store and sit back down at the desk.

Only a few people have come in today. Some of them recognized me from the news. They would instantly buy a record and wish me the best. I guess I am kind of famous now. It's all I ever wanted to be, right? I find myself crying. I also find that I can't really stop once I've started.

I am famous for attempting suicide. Everyone thinks they know me. Nobody knows how hard it is for me. I hate sounding so damn weak but I can't help it. I bury my head in my hands and begin to sob. Things would be much easier if I hadn't landed on that fire escape and instead landed on the ground and died like I was supposed to.

The feeling of being watched comes back and I fear a customer has entered the store. I quickly lift my head up. It's empty. Through blurry eyes, I can see a figure outside the window staring in at me. All I can make out are a glint of blue and brown hair. When I wipe my eyes to get a clearer look, the figure is gone. I'm definitely imagining things.

I compose myself and wipe my face. I look down at my casted ankle. Elizabeth and Miles signed it. My light blue hospital sock is still placed over my cast to keep my toes warm. The person who worked the previous shift has left a record on. It's a piano song. A sad piano song at that. It's been playing this entire time. Another tear slips out of my eye at the sound of it, but I wipe it away. No more crying. I'm not weak. I'm okay.

The next hour and a half goes by slowly. Brendan comes in a little early, knowing that I just want to get back home. I thank him and crutch out into the back entrance through the back alley. I sigh at the memories in the back alley. I continue to crutch to my car as the sun begins to set. Street lamps come on, illuminating my car just enough so I can see a piece of paper slipped under the windshield wiper. I curiously pick it up. It's a letter.

Dear Adeline,

I think you can already assume who this is. I feel I owe you this after all the shit I've put you through these past few weeks. I just want to say that I'm so sorry. For everything. When I first saw you, I just knew that you were the one. Everyone I've ever loved has left me. I've ended up hurting them somehow. I thought it would be different this time because of how different you are. But it ended up the same because I'm still the same asshole I've always been. What I'm really trying to say is that, Adeline McKay, I am hopelessly in love with you and everything you do. I just wanted to be with you forever. I thought I had everything figured out but I haven't the slightest idea. You have been suffering deeply because of my selfishness. Seeing you jump out of that window made my entire world stop. I thought you were dead. I felt dead. I still do because I know that I am the reason you jumped in the first place. It's all my fault. I want you to be happy and if that requires me to stay out of your life then that's what I'll do. From now on I will leave you alone. All I wanted to do was keep you safe but trying to force myself into your life was putting you in danger. So this is where it ends. I will continue to fight for your safety even if you don't love me. Honestly, I have nothing else to lose. Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like dying every single day. But for you it's worth the pain. You are my sunshine and my source of life. Stay safe, Adeline. I'm always watching. Just shout whenever you need me. I love you so much.

Yours sincerely, Louis xx

P.S. You have a beautiful singing voice.

I read it over a few times to make sure it actually says what it says. He loves me. He actually truly loves me. He's leaving me alone. Normally, I would feel the great need to scoff at all this love bullshit and throw this letter in the trash. But I can't throw it away. I find myself smiling as my eyes begin to blur with tears. Stupid tears. I'm done crying. Stop it.

I wipe my eyes and force myself to smile. This is the first time someone's had feelings for me since Andrew's death. I fold the letter neatly and put it in my pocket, looking around. Louis is probably around somewhere watching me. For some reason now it isn't as creepy. He means well. I just wish he'll find someone who loves him back someday. I know the feeling of losing someone you love.

My stomach flips in different ways. It almost feels good. The idea of Louis with someone else makes me slightly agitated. I bite my lip, imagining why I would ever feel this way. I guess it could be possible for me to like Louis someday. But he can't wait forever and that's exactly what I need to get over and let go of Andrew.

I climb into my car and drive back to my flat. Once I reach the living room, I begin strumming on my ukulele. My life used to be filled with happiness and music. Maybe if I continue to play music the happiness will come back, too. Elizabeth is out. It's just me. I take the letter out of my pocket and place it on the coffee table.

As I play my ukulele, I stare down at the letter. It makes me happy and sad for many unknown reasons. I'm so happy yet I'm so sad. I wish I knew why I was feeling this way. All I do know is that reading over the sentences about him being in love with me and saying I have a beautiful singing voice makes me smile. Reading over the sentences of him basically saying goodbye makes me sad. It's just not possible. It can't be.

Falling in love with Louis has never crossed my mind until now. And it doesn't seem all too bad.