Beyond the Stars *Dark Louis Tomlinson*

Chapter 25

Do you know what's more difficult than hiding a pregnancy from everyone? Having everyone know about your pregnancy.

Telling my mum that I'm pregnant was obviously necessary, she is going to be a nan after all, but her telling everyone and their mum about it was not. I'm just short of my second trimester so it's a bit annoying that everyone knows when there's still a risk of me losing it. And don't even get me started on all the random questions I'm bombarded with on a daily basis. 

"Are you still having morning sickness?"

"Have your boobs started to swell up yet?"

"Aren't you a little young to become a mum?"

Yes, yes, and hell yes. 

Pregnancy has become quite an interesting time in my life. Suddenly everyone is worried about my health, even those I barely know, and is very interested in what I'm doing. I could probably use all this attention I'm receiving to further enhance my music career. That's a good marketing strategy. I'll just get pregnant whenever my career hits a dead end and then everyone will be talking about me again.

Ah, if only. 

I know most people care more about my unborn child than they care about me, and I use my music as an outlet for myself. With my dreams of pursuing music, I want to remain as genuine as possible. Most famous musicians nowadays only make their music for the public and so they can make money, but I do it because it's my life. I live and breathe music. But I suppose now that I'm going to be a young mum, I can kiss that dream goodbye. Not many famous musicians become mothers before they get in the spotlight, and I am no exception.

Although Louis and I have been extremely good with him seeking extensive help to get his depression under control, I'm still not a hundred percent happy. I knew that he wouldn't be the solution to all my problems, but I never thought that I would still feel so down and out with us being so happy together. And I'm still unhappy with the fact that I'm becoming a mother. Maybe I should seek help myself so I can stop feeling this way. I want to be able to allow myself to accept what's happening and roll with it so I can stop feeling so stuck.

I don't feel like this all the time either. There's many times when I feel really excited about becoming a mother. Those are the highs, and I'm very grateful for them. But I also have my lows. Oh man, do I have my lows.

They come out of nowhere sometimes. Or they come when I wake up in the morning and I can't seem to shake the weight of the low for the rest of the day. I've been too scared to bring this up to Louis. I don't want him to think that he's at fault in any way because he's not. What I have started doing, though, is looking up what I'm feeling and what it means exactly. Depression is a possibility, but I'm sure it's just the internet jumping to horribly dramatic conclusions again. I'm okay.

And Louis' been nothing but fantastic. Even now, I'm lying on my bed and just watching the telly while Louis walks back in my room with two steaming mugs in his hands. He hands me the one filled with hot chocolate before sitting on the edge of my bed, sipping on his tea. He looks in his mug for a moment before looking back at me. I grin up at him as I sheepishly sip out of my mug.

"I'm surprised you had Yorkshire Tea," he comments. "Not many people fancy it."

"I know you do, so I made sure to pick some up last time I went out to shop."

He smiles, his cheeks reddening slightly. The beautiful sight causes a stirring feeling in my stomach. A stirring that's not caused by the baby. I place a hand on my bump. As I said before, I'm just shy of reaching my second trimester but I'm getting so big already. Now I'm more obviously pregnant, and it kind of sucks not being able to hide it anymore.