Gerard flipping flipped the flip out with flipping rage at Patrick, who looked truly TERRIFIED and was hiding behind Pete.
"THAT'S MY WAND I HAD IT FOR TWO SECONDS AND IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL IT HAD GLITTER ON IT IT WAS WAS LIKE THE HOLY GRAIL OF WANDS YOU INCOMPETENT LEATHER JACKET BUY ME ANOTHER OR I'LL FLIP YOUR FLIPPING ORANGE OF A BOYFRIEND INTO SPACE WITHOUT HIS EYELINER YOU SCREAMING GREEN SCARF I'M ACTUALLY SOBBING I'M TELLING MIKEY UGH SO UNFAIR I'M TELLING HAGRID THAT GREAT OAF IM SO ENRAGED YOU JAMMY DODGER!"
He sobbed with the ANGER, his eyeliner ran down his face from his tears, he collapsed on the floor and felt all the pieces of dead AF wand with sadness. Patrick started stammering an apology "I- I - I'm-" but Pete butted in how rude I swear "yeah Gerard we're not homo, I'm only gay from the waist up." He growled and pointed an angry finger at our sobbing gee.
Olives dear was upsetti because of the damage of the best ever wand ever (the elder wand can go bog off.) so he took out his satanic bible and started to chant:
"chAMPAGNE coACaINe gAsOlINE.
And Most things inBETWEEN"
But not like in the tune of the song ya silly doofus it was a chant so it was like:
"chAMPAGNE coACaINe gAsOlINE.
And most things inBETWEEN
chAMPAGNE coACaINe gAsOlINE.
And most things inBETWEEN."
The book started to shake and jumped out of Olive And Her's hand, it set on fire, and everyone but olive need were shook AF, Gerard even stopped his dramatic (probably fake.) crying. From out of the Flames came a stone demon with these big horns and these sharp teeth, and like a forehead 2x a normal foreheads size,holy frick frack, what spooky shit had ollivander (see look I spelt it right) summoned?
"Why have you summoned the all-powerful Satan Urie, peasant?' Satan URIE spat at Ollie sander (and there it goes again) Oliver Andre sank to the floor on his knees in respect for Satan URIE.
"BISH THAT'S MY LINE FIGHT ME." Gerard SCREACHED, he stood up without using his hands (I can actually do that hA but it takes ten years and afterwards I'm like an old person so.) as agile as a gymnast (which he probably was tbh.) leaped in front of the demon and FLIPPED his hair at Satan himself.
"No that's my line you DOOR OPENING READY SALTED CRACKER." Roasted Satan, then he threw sassy mc sass ass to the other side of the room, ow that must've HURT, but sass masters don't show pain so he literally just glared at Satan.
Olives fer thought this was the time to talk to his master Satan URIE, "this glittery wand of rainbow magic has been, splintered, by this small fedora boy." Patrick shrunk into the corner, scared as hell. (Geddit? Cuz the ruler of hells in the room? Ha ha...) Satan tutted pitifully at the sassy remains of the wand. "I can fix it, but with a price.."
"My soul, o faithful ruler of hell?" Whispered ollivander with regret in his eyes.
"No." Brendon announced, ollivander let out stress and sighed with relief.
"I need, your club penguin membership...."
The scream of horror could be heard for miles.
"NOT MY CLUB PENGUIN MEMBERSHIP! THE PUFFLE PARTY IS NEXT WEEK AND I'VE BEEN SAVING UP FOR A RAINBOW PUFFLE COSTUME!!!" Ollivander screamed in terror.
"Ooooo das bad." Muttered Pete.
"Well, I'll just have to kill you then." Laughed Satan URIE, truly now he was clearly the ruler of hell.
"No....no..... I'll sacrifice my penguin, even if they have 1999 clothing items, with 20 of them being ultra rare." Sighed ollivander.
Hagrid (because I've not mentioned him for like 19 years.) Took ollivanders membership card out of his pocket, and passed it to Satan, who set it on fire promptly with his bare hands ooo that's wild AF, then he used all his satanly powers to make all the wand pieces rise in the air, and huzzah! They were fixed. Gerard sobbed tears of joy, now he can sass the sass out of everyone in hogwarts.
"And you boY." Growled Satan, who pointed at Patrick, who lowered his fedora over his head, and took a few steps back.
"Like your hat boi it's sick AF where you buY it from my dude?"
"Umm.... Chanel." (Because Chanel definitely supply fedoras)
"OOOO I'llcheck them out." Satan said as he walked promptly into the hell fire on the satanic bible and disappeared.
YOU ARE READING
Gerard way and the house tournament
Fanfiction*This is a crack fic don't expect the plot line to make logical sense because I can assure You it doesn't * Gerard flips to hogwarts because the stranger thaT breaks into his house and looks like SHREK on drugs who goes by the name of "HAGIRD" tells...
