*This is a crack fic don't expect the plot line to make logical sense because I can assure You it doesn't *
Gerard flips to hogwarts because the stranger thaT breaks into his house and looks like SHREK on drugs who goes by the name of "HAGIRD" tells...
LIKE 10000 PEOPLE HAVE DONE FANFICS LIKE THIS AND I'VE DECIDED TO DO SOME LOW BUDGET ONE CAUSE I'M UNORIGINAL SO HA Why am I like this Prepare for some recycled humour...
It was our Gerard's 11th birthday and he had literally just woken up, he was too sassy as hell to show excitement so he flipping sashayed down the stairs that he had actually covered in 297 layers of black glitter while wearing his £0800001066 pound Skelton onesie, he flipped his shoulder length red hair (don't ask me why an 11 year old has long ketchup red hair I'm not his parents) and opened the lounge door to his two parents and his ickle brother Mikey Wentz- I MEAN WAY. "Happy birthday Gee!" They all announced with SASS because it's a way family trait to have dat sass and dat CLASS. "merci you kind PEASANTS" bowed the prince of sass showering the £2001 pound black carpet accented with red tips and made with only the finest materials approved with the emo King Pete Wentz himself™ with glitter (you have to be at least 13 to be the king of sass and he's like 1o or 11 Idk what time he was born I'm not Einstein folks but it sure as hell is his birthday.) "GERARD LOOK AT WHAT I GOT YOU!!!!1!1!1!1!!!!!!11!!" screamed our Mikey. Gerard out his hand on his hips and was all like "yeah but it better not be them unicorns or I'll throw its plastic ass out of the window hunny" Gerard sassily opened the unicorn wrapping paper with sass and uncovered this unicorn horn that looked pretty real but our Gerard being our Gerard was pretty UNAMUSED Goddamit Gerard get those manners "Oh my flipping orange... WHAt is this?" He whispered with class "It's a horn from a unicorn I slayed!" "YAS bitch slay" "Ikr" But then there was like this really big BANG coming from the direction of like their door that was cLOSED (thanks Ryan Ross and/or Brendon Urie because that was when Ryan Ross wrote the lyrics not Brendon y'all uncultured swines.) (I DIDN'T MEAN IT I'm A LIL HUFFLEPUFF SORRY IF I OFFENDED YOU) (Ahem,) Gerard flipping jumped out of his skin but not literally because even tho it's nearly Halloween In real life in this fic it wasn't it was Gerard's birthday so but he was REALLY scared so if it was nearly Halloween he probably would have but even though it's not not nearly Halloween in real life it was nowhere near Halloween in this fic it was GERARDS BIRTHDAY how many times must I EXPLAIN but yeah. Y'all get the point, Right? Anyway so Gerard nearly had a heart attack but he didn't show it because even though my mum doesn't think boys can be described as sassy he sure is, he picked up Micky in his hands and sashayed towards the door he had painted black and pink because that sure is the way to be fabulous. "Yeah, Gerard, why have you picked me up?' Gerard tutted at his little brothers foolishness. "Because I'm using you as a shield??!???!?!?!?!?! Duh?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!" The door did that thing where it banged and is time the door actually broke off because of the FORCE upon it, so long and goodnight Gerard's fab door. Where Gerard's fab door was, there was like this homeless looking bearded dude, who was like at least as tall as like, 20 ants. Gerard squealed because he didn't want to catch the BEARD and ran into the living room. Mikey followed but he was like pretty flat as the door had landed on him with the full HAGRID force.
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"YEA MOM DAD THIS LIKE HOMELESS DUDE JUST BROKE THE FRONT DOOR IS IT OK IF I FEED HIM MIKEY TO MAKE HIM GO AWAY???" "NO GERARD STOP TRYING TO FEED YOUR BROTHER TO PEOPLE WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS. Gerard turned around to go out of the room to kick the random big dude away when he realised that the bearded man was IN THE LOUNGE DOORWAY. "OH MY GOD AAAAAAAAAJAJWISMEJOWOAKAMSMEOWOAP" Gerard screamed. "OI M8 IM JUST TRYING TEH DO ME BLOODY JOB SO I CANNA OFFORD ME CHEEKY NANDOS W THE LADS I WORK SO HARD EVERYDAY AND ALL I GET IS 20KNUTS I CANNEH BARELY AFFORD ME HOUSE AND ITS A HUT, I AM SU POOR I AT 1 BEAN FER BREKFASTTHIS MORNING DUMBLYDOR BEATS MEH IF I CANNUT DO ME WORK BECUASE I AM SO BLOOODY HUNGRY AND YER BEUNG MEAN TEH ME AND YER MAKEN ME LOOK LIKE A RATE MARY FLIPPNG ELLEN HERE WOTS WRONG W U I SUGGEST YEH GO UP EM BLOODY APPLES AND PEARS AND GO TEH YER FLIPPIN BED AND SLEEP FOR A BLOODY FORTNIGHT AND DONT LET TEH BLOODY BED BUGS BITE COME BACK DOWN ERE UNTIL YEVE LEARNT TEH BE A FLIPPIN RESPECATSBKE M8 YE BLUMMIN BISCUT IM DUN W YEH FLIPPN CRAP SO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET BEFORE I PUNCH YEH INTO THE NEXT BLOODEH DIMENSION YEH GLITTERLY BRIGHT RED NUMPTY.' Said that random dude calmly and wisely, surely this was a man to be respected. Gerard converted to his NORMAL position which was hands on his hips flipping his flippin HAIR "fine, what are you here for?" "Yer a wizard Gerard." "IMMA what" "OH MY BLOODY GOD, yer a wizard" "LMAO AND MIKEYS NOT BC HES NOT SPECIAL ENOUGH LMAO." "):" sobbed Mikey The big dude sighed, and put his hand on his face, "Gerard you oversized bottle of hienz ketchup he's not old enough to go to hogwarts even if he was a wizard you have to be 11 you uneducated flipping orange." "Shut up you fat oaf." "I'm not a fat oaf I'm Hagrid." "I'll call you Hagrid the fat oaf then." 'Right now I have to take yeh to London even though you should really be going tO the American school but lmao I don't care" "Can I take Mikey?" "No" "):"
