*This is a crack fic don't expect the plot line to make logical sense because I can assure You it doesn't *
Gerard flips to hogwarts because the stranger thaT breaks into his house and looks like SHREK on drugs who goes by the name of "HAGIRD" tells...
Dumbledore let Pete go next to Patrick because just yeah and shoved this list at mY cat mgonagall to reads off names n all that. Now the only people that knew what TF was going on were The half bloods n pure Bloods because like instead of telling people what's what like a normal person the sorting hat literally sung porn songs to small children wtf. "RIGHT FIRST OF ALL WE GOT, IN NO ALPHABETICAL ORDER, IERO, FRANK!" "Omg I'm being whatever he's being. Whatever this hat is for." Gerard whispered as Frank walked up to the manky ass chair. Wait. Why's he going to the manky chair? Oh my god he's putting it on his head. What the actual hell. It's like, rate mank"I'm so glad this is a crack fic written by an ace person not some pubescent 14 year old or that would've taken a bad turn." Big ass forehead whispered to cheese whiz kid. "I mean like thanks to some teen we got into some bad shit. Didn't we?" Cheese kid nodded. "I'm still traumatised." (Because no fanfic is complete without a milk fic reference) (even tho that's the worst fic I've ever read) Gerard raised his eyebrows . He thought he was the only fourth wal- "GRIFFINDOR!" Screamed the HAt, and Frank joined the red table. Gerard was determined to be a griffthingy. He wants to be with frank. He actually will be tho. "Stumph, Patrick!" Pattycakes walked up to the hat, tripped, and said "sorry' to the thin air, and, before the hat even touched Patrick's head (on top of his fedora) it screamed "HUFFLEPUFF!" Wow, these table name things really are wild. Isn't that a Pokemon? "Costello, ash!" "SLYTHERIN!" Right, I'm not being in that. It's green themed. So not my colour. "Martinez, Melanie!" "RAVENCLAW!" How many thingies ARE there? "Toro, Ray!" Ray looked at Gerard "do you know what we're being sorted into?" Gerard, not wanting Ray to think he didn't know said "yeah I know all about it. We're being sorted into, um, how beautiful we are. Yeah that's it. Ravenclaw is alright, Slytherin is ugly asf, griffindor is hot asf, and hufflepuff is when you're like adorable. Yes. This is something a wizard school needs." Ray raysed ((;;; an eyebrow, but walked up to the stool and sat down. "GRIFFINDOR!" Well, there goes another reason that I'm going to be a griffindor. That's like. 1/2 of my friends in there now. Idk do I look like Einstein to you? "Trohman, hoe!' "HUFFYPUFFy!' Gerard's inpatient mind was getting bored.He wanted to be next, not some weird Brendon dude. Why wasn't he next? So unfair. This was stupid, why do we have to put on a gross old hat? Gerard stuck out his bottom lip and silently had a flipping mardy because that's his flipping personality, but then he like sat on the floor and dozed off because naps so yeah. "Gerard get UP!" A random peasant said poking the magical Gerard unicorn child in the side, waking up our favourite sass quEen slAY. Omg eff off u flopping lemon. OH LOOK IT WAS ANDY ALL alONG WHAT A BANTER WHAT A PLOT TWIST!!!!1!1!11!1! Mcgonagill was looking directly at Gerard "Gerard get yo ass on this seat you've just been called." Gerard was like so scared he wanted to be in the sass house like omfg. He strutted up to the sorting hat + stool! And discovered that it was even worse than it looked. "Omg that belongs in bloody bargain hunters it's so old and useless." He whispered to himself. The hat looked like it hadn't been washed for ten years. THAT piece of garbage on HIS perfectly dyed, conditioned and washed hair? In his very presence? How dare it! "Excuse me miiss mcg do I hAve To put this trash on my hair?" Gee gee asked and MCGOANFAL were all like "yeas u mr clean wet wipe sirT DOWN !ans I will shove the hat on ur heAD." "But miss it's gross af' "That's only because it's old dear he had a wash yesterday.' "Yes put your head inside me b4 I sing some Jacob satorius" sorting Hattie said. That was it. Gerard sat down and mcg put the hat on his head. "Well, let's see. I don't think you'd suit ravenclaw. Not at all." Said sortie but like in his HEAD WTF. "YEah I'd rather not have a voice in my head sweaty✋🏾🙅🏼" Gerard said. "It's normal you cringy potato." Snapped McGee Gerard said bAck to the hat through his mind "Ok right put me in griffindor." "Are You sure? You seem like a Slytherin." "No no the house colour does not go with mY current aesthetic. Red and black. Griffindor is red, see?' "Well, you can be brave." "Thank you! Honestly-" "SLYTHERIN!" The hat screamed. "WHAT THE HECK YOU JUST SAID YOUD PUT ME IN GRIFFINDOR FIGHT ME RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW ARMS UP BRO I WILL KICK YOU INTO THE NEXT DIMENSION COME AT ME, GET ME YEAH? Think YOU CAN FIGHT ME? HMM? No I DIDNT THINK SO BECAUSE YOU DONT EVEN HAVE ARMS U LIL SHIT.' Gerard yelled at the sorting hat, he pulled the hat off and slammed it on the chair. "Ok Slytherin is over there, take this tie and join your new house." McGee shoved said tie into Gerards shaking-with-rage hands. "I'll see you one day bby." Gerard whispered to Frank on the griffindor table, as he sat down with other first years on the Slytherin table. "Hi, I'm ash Costello. I actually love your hair." Said the two tone haired girl next to gee whiz. " I know, isn't it wonderful?" Gerard sassed back, instantly forgetting about his precious Frank.
I just realised that I just changed Gerards era in my imagination from danger days to revenge whoops I mean griffindor would suit the danger days aesthetic too ok time to change it mentally back to danger days gee There we go On with the story. Flip right dumber drive flicked his wand right and some nice ass food just flipped in front of them "Is there anything here for my all-fabulous-diet?" Gerard asked
Right so I got a digital art pad and of course one of the first things I draw is this
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IK it's trash but I couldn't be bothered to like draw a proper background and it is an illustration for a crack fic let me have my moment
