New To Me (Phan)

Chapter 23

"Is this too weird for you?" Phil asked. "You're being quieter than usual."

We were waiting in line to be seated at the restaurant before we headed on over to the cinema. Because that's what people did on dates. Dinner and a movie.

I shook my head biting my lip. "No." but I was lying. "Okay, yeah. It's a little... weird." Phil nodded but didn't say anything. I hoped I hadn't upset him. "I'm sorry. It's just... I'm still getting used to this. I'm sorry."

"No, I get it. I do." Phil assured me, smiling. "To be honest, I'm feeling the same. We were friends and now we're... more than that. It's bound to be a little awkward at first."

I nodded my head. It was all so bizarre. I was on a date. With a guy. And not just any guy. Phil. I'd never been this nervous on a date before. And I didn't think I would be. Because after all it was Phil. The person who I felt the most comfortable with than anyone else in the world. The person who knew me inside and out, better than I knew myself.

But perhaps it was because we were so familiar with each other that made it awkward. First dates were for getting to know one another. Asking questions and discovering their likes, their dislikes. Their hobbies and aspirations. It was routine. But Phil and I got all of that out of the way the day we first met. And we only delved deeper in the months that came to follow. I already knew everything there was to know about him and vice versa.

"Let's go." Phil said abruptly, turning to leave.

Panic immediately set in and I silently cursed myself for already screwing things up. "No. Phil, wait! I'm sorry! I'll try harder!" I grabbed his sleeve, terrified that he'd walk away from me but Phil just looked down at my hand desperately gripping his arm in confusion.

"I meant let's just leave the restaurant. Do something we're more comfortable with."

"Oh." I said, feeling stupid and letting go of his arm. "Right." God Dan, do you have no chill?

Phil laughed at my over-reaction but didn't comment on it further. "How about we go to mine, order some pizza and play Sonic instead? Sound good?"

I smiled. "Sounds perfect." And it did. It sounded so wonderfully perfect that I swear I fell in love with Phil all over again.

How did Phil do it? How did he always make people smile, even if they didn't want to? Without trying, without any effort on his part whatsoever? I wondered if he was aware of this phenomenon. If he knew that he had this super power and consciously wielded it whenever he wanted. I didn't think so somehow. It seemed so involuntarily, so automatic. Like he had no idea of the effect that he had on people.

The effect he had on me.

And when he leaned in to whisper, "And then maybe we can make out a little," I actually lost it. I was genuinely surprised my legs didn't give out beneath me the effect was that powerful. Phil was going to be the death of me, I swear.

We left the restaurant and started walking to his house. It was a clear night. No clouds, just an endless array of stars. The weather had been nice to us these past few weeks. It finally felt like winter was coming to an end, for which I was glad. By this point I'd had enough of the storms and the snow and the cold. Fuck winter. Bring on summer already.

We fell into a comfortable silence as we walked. Once we'd decided to go against the generic first date ritual the pressure to act all couple-y and flirtatious disappeared. Which was good as I had no idea know how to do that. And I certainly didn't know how to do that with Phil.

I watched Phil as we walked. Obviously. Because no matter how beautiful and alluring the night sky was, Phil was by far more pleasing to look at. No question about it. He looked at the ground as he walked, a slight smile on his lips.

His lips, which if I wanted to, I was allowed to kiss. And if I wanted to reach out and hold his hand then I could that too. I was allowed to do these things now. And I often did. I very much took advantage of that new found permission. It was definitely one of the biggest perks of moving into the 'more than friends' stage.

About halfway there Phil piped up. "So, uh, you like Muse?" he asked, mimicking my poor attempt at socialising the first time we'd met.

I chuckled under my breath. "Oh, God. The cringe." I said remembering that day.

Phil shrugged. "I thought it was cute." I rolled my eyes. "But then again, everything you do I find cute." I felt my face heat up instantly. He had said things like this before but now it was different. He wasn't just joking around. He meant it.

Phil playfully nudged my shoulder. "Here's where you say that I'm cute too." He smiled at me, his tongue poking out the side a little. And fuck if it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. My heart did a little flip at the mere sight of it.

I laughed. "You're cute too, Phil." He beamed at me this time and I died a little bit. Phil was more than cute. Phil was the freaking sun. He was radiant. He was awe-inspiring. He was, well... pretty fucking hot.

But it was more than that. His personality seemed to extend outwards and you could see it when you looked at him. His face was painted with kindness and happiness and selflessness. Everything that made him who he was. It all shined out from him. Transcended into the physical realm and was made clear for anyone to see. And that's what made him beautiful.

I was abruptly pulled out of my own thoughts when Phil out of nowhere slid his hand into mine. My heart skipped a beat at his touch, as it always did. I didn't pull back, which would have been my initial instinct if I were the old me. But I wasn't. So instead, heart fluttering wildly in my chest, I gave a small squeeze to let him know I was okay with it.

And I was more than okay with it. His hand was so warm, so soft, so comforting against my own. I didn't want to ever let go.

A/N ^Just a heads up that this is the final chapter aside from the epilogue, which will be up soon I promise :3