The (not so) Average Thoughts of a CBG

Everything I Wish I Could Say

Disclaimer: I do not mean to offend any of my readers.

Dear School,

Well, I can't thank you enough for everything you've successfully taught me! Really, I don't know how I'd survive without you there to constantly crush my dreams and remind me of how worthless and stupid I am. You've taught me how to grow up by making me stress about due dates I won't even remember by the time I reach college. 

Oh, you have made me so aware of one subject I definitely needed to know: how provocative a teenage girl's body is. Girls aren't allowed to have shoulders, chests, thighs, or (gasp) skin? Boys will hardly be reprimanded for the inability to control themselves within the "safe environment" of a classroom? Thank you ever so much for clarifying that. I'll be certain to remember that each time I consider stepping outdoors in shorts. By the way, thank you, School, for the dress code that prohibits me from wearing yoga pants. You obviously know that females abhor those kind of clothes-- that is certainly the reason why we wear them all of the time!

The gratitude I have for you pertaining to the revelation you bestowed upon humankind about how a lack of talent in sports and main academics such as math and science mean that there is something severely wrong with me is astronomical. But you won't give me praise for an interesting, original creative writing idea, or even a surprisingly good work of art done by my hand, now will you? I don't deserve that. After all, jobs in these departments don't offer large paychecks, so I should just dismiss these possible gifts and conform like everyone else by pursuing a major in STEM. (Nothing against STEM, of course. Well, never mind that, everything against STEM.) 

Who am I kidding, though? You refuse to offer actual information about college and independent living, other than the consistent reminder that I had better be refreshing myself on the notes seven or more teachers send me home with every night because college will be a tricky challenge. You are above that. Who needs to know how to pay taxes and nurture children when you can teach teenagers about the Pythagorean theorem and evolutionary patterns? I most certainly will need to know this while wrapping up a shopping trip at Kroger and paying bills (if, of course, I earn any money as an aspiring writer). 

Best of all, you force me to "cooperate" with my obnoxious, self-absorbed peers. Why have you chosen to do this? Teamwork, you say? Well, no, not exactly, seeing as how "partner work" lands me with heaps of paper, absolutely no assistance from my so-called comrade(s), (after all, the smart, quiet booknerd positively adores school work and refuses to voice her complaints!) and an increasingly grouchy mood. You do this to test how long I can manage without screaming at the idiocy surrounding me-- this consisting of extremely significant conversations about social media followers, on-point rapping in the hallways to the latest "song", fake sex noises concocted in the hallway, and under-aged dating dilemmas shared in the locker room, most commonly about "cheating" experiences. Surprisingly, I have the capacity to last a long time. And I haven't even covered all of the graded tests and finals you give me! I'm so thankful to be assigned a number depicting how intelligent I am. Never mind if I were sick the day I took this test, or feeling miserable. No, you won't ask-- you are above wondering about my mental health, as you are above a multitude of things. Even if this were the case, (which, trust me, it has been) you will still permanently taint my high school record without question, forever reminding me of how much harder I need to try to succeed! 

Thank you for all of the stress, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, frustration, self-loathing, and pain you have bestowed upon me throughout these years. You have shown me what it is to endure, and for that I cannot thank you enough. I absolutely treasure all of the wisdom you have shared with me. I have learned an abundance of extremely necessary knowledge like algebra, and I have stored this information in a corner lingering in the back of my brain. This information has already collected enough dust to last a lifetime, or has since been dumped out. The human mind is only capable of retaining so much, and for that, I sincerely apologize for not yet evolving into a god. Oh, and I sincerely thank you, School, for teaching me that evolving into another entity is entirely improbable, no, impossible, forgive my mistake. I have a tendency to make those, as you are well aware. Thank you for informing me that my personal beliefs are idiotic, and that we, without a doubt, evolved from primates. Also, thank you for letting me know that the Big Bang is merely a theory, then instructing me to go on as if it is a precise fact. 

Thank you for depriving me of sleep and forcing me to awaken while the sky is a dark sheen and the moon is still shining like a threatening beacon. Thank you for cramming me into packed buses before dawn and insisting that there is room to scoot over when everyone is sitting three to a seat at the minimum, wishing they were any place else. Thank you for making me isolate myself and pretend I sincerely enjoy being completely alone at lunch and any other class, really. And there is no doubt that I do find comfort in being alone like the pathetic little introvert I am, but being alone and being ignored are different, aren't they? Not that you'd care about the burdens of a student, of course. Like I have previously mentioned, you are above such tedious notions.

Thank you for all of the times I have curled into a ball, wishing I could escape you forever. Thank you for that sinking feeling in my gut (oops! I forgot. Girls aren't allowed to have stomachs either! Eating is forbidden, right?) when I glance at my grades only to see that they have significantly dropped. Thank you for all of the adults and teachers who have labeled me as a pretentious teenager trying to create a spectacle of her problems. Thank you for providing plenty of people to tell me that my issues don't really matter in retrospect, and maybe they won't in the near future. Thank you for teaching me that hardly anyone really cares, and thank you for stealing my happiness at an age too young. 

To conclude this gratified letter, thank you, School, for being the biggest ***** imaginable. 

Sincerely,

~CBG (AKA: A student so overcome by appreciation that she felt the overwhelming desire to spend about an hour writing this.)

P.S:

School,

That is all.