You Are Mine [ManXBoy] BOOK 1

Eight: Torn

(Play the music)

Christian 's POV:

"I'm so... sorry Christian". He said.

When I heard him say that,  my tears started to fall.  Binasted ako!
F***! I was cursing in my head.  I even can't  move.  I started to panic. I even  can't  breath normally.  I was staring at him.

I got rejected for the first time.  This moment na nagdesisyun ako na I will never play around anymore.  I will look  for someone na iibigin ko ng tunay at ibahagi kung anong mayroon ako.  At nahanap ko yun sa isang bakla.  Hindi sa babae pero sa kanya. I always believed na siya na talaga ang magpapasaya sa akin but I guess I was wrong.

I was f***ing rejected.  Am I not enough?. May kulang ba sa akin?  Tell me heavens,  do I have to feel this hurt?  I was goddamn rejected!. Tell me,  ano bang kulang sa akin!?

"I. I.  I'm... Sorry, please forgive me. ". He was crying seeing I was crying af!.  I can't  help it. Tuloy-tuloy ang pagluha ko.

"christian....  I am not for you.  You deserve  someone better than me.  Much better than me."

"F**K!  I DON'T WANT SOMEONE!". I was shouting.

I was hurt!  Cuts like a fu**ing knife.

" I just want you Riri.  Ano bang wala sa akin?,  pupunan ko!  Tell me!". I hold his hands.

I was kneeling in front of him. I was crying out loud.

"please,  just like me back.  I love you! ".

I love him so much.  I never  felt this way to the others I've  met.  He was my everything.

"I like you chan because andyan ka tumutulong sa akin,  pero hanggang  doon lang talaga.  Hindi ko masuklian ang nararamdaman mo sa akin.  Hindi  ko kayang turuan ang puso ko.  I'm  so sorry"

I sat on the sand and cry as f***. I was cursing out loud and drew someone's  attention knowing I was rejected. 

"tell me,  may iba ka bang gusto? ". I asked

He siya nagsalita.  He silently sat on the chair wiping his tears.

"damn that lucky guy, You're the first one who rejected  me.  I am being so stupid  right now. I thought I had that biggest f***ing chance to win your heart.  Pfft. ". I sarcastically said that to him.

"ano bang nakita mo sa kanya na wala ako?!. Tell me who is that lucky guy?. Mas mayaman ba siya?,  mas mahal ka ba niya?,  mas gwapo ba?, mas masarap bang tignan? ". I added.

I was fuming anger.  He just went cold and started to stand. 

" I am sorry chan".

"bakit ka ba parating nagsosorry!. Alam ko na hindi mo ako kayang mahalin so stop saying that sh**!. Gusto ko ng explinasyon! "

I need answers bakit hindi niya kayang gustuhin ako. "

" i have to go. ". He said.

"fine!.  F***ing leave me!  Ganyan naman kayong lahat eh.  Parating nang-iiwan!. At isa ka pa!  Cge umalis ka.  "

I started crying again when he walked away from me.  He really don't  like me. I just f*** my life now.

I saw Ethan approached  me and helped  me carry myself.  Umalis yung gf niya at inihatid ng kanyang personal driver.

"men,  nabasted ko.  I got rejected.". I calmly said to him. But deep inside I was torn.

" I don't  know what to say dude.  Maybe I'll  just get you home, but not to your condo. "

Tinanaw ko si Riri and I saw him pumara ng taxi at sumakay.  He really left.  But for now, I have to sleep and drown  in my own tears.  This was my luckiest day.  Pfft.

We took Ethan's car . Tatay was driving him so nakita niya.  Ethan told tatay na siya magmaneho ng sasakyan ko at si Ethan will drive his car way back his home. 

He never let me  drive on my own since I was sometimes reckless when I got stress,  depress or sick.

But I was brokenhearted.
I started to cry again.  Uhg,  this tears won't  let me calm. 

I wasn't  planning of ending my life,  I don't  know why,  di kagaya ng iba na. Uhg,  damn I was having second thoughts. I'm  gonna do it later.

"we're  almost there. " ethan said.

Yeah, I'm almost there to die.  So buy yourself  a black pin.

" dude,  i know what you're  thinking.  Don't  do it.  I swear I'm  gonna tie you up".

Damn he knew.

" just kill me bro.  I hate feeling this sh**".

" nah i won't,  i don't want to get jail because of killing a man who got nothing  from his date".

Then I laugh.  There were many reasons to laugh.  Ang dami pa palang taong nandyan para umalalay sa akin.  Pero ito ako nagpakabaliw dahil sa isang tao. 
Nang nakarating na kami sa bahay ni Ethan, I saw tatay just tapped at my back. I almost want to cry again.

Ethan led me to his room.

" i hate sharing my room to someone but wala akong choice, I'm worried you might do something." he said.

"bro, ano bang wala sa akin?, gwapo naman ako, mayaman, malambing, maaalahanin. Ang dami ngang nagkandarapa sa akin. Bakit di niya ako kayang mahalin?"

"damn, i don't know. I never really knew that guy. Maybe you're somewhat too fast with your feelings?"

"i liked him a lot bro. I almost loved him."

"wooh! Seriously?"

I just nodded.

"wala na rin lang naman akong pag asa, i don't know if i can face him normally. Malapit na magstart ng class and unfortunately I will handle one of his subjects."

"that's really fuc*ed up man".

Seriously I'll be doomed.

We decided to sleep but I can't sleep. I was having so many thoughts. Makakaapekto ba to sa relasyon namin?, Ipagpapatuloy pa ba niya yung pagtatrabaho sa akin?. Ilan lang ito sa mga inaalala ko.

I don't know I'll just go with the flow. Hayaan na ang panahon na ang gagawa ng mga paraan na malimutan ko to. I really went sobber at napagdesisyunan ko na I'll just play around with love at huwag ng magseryoso.

--
It was early in the morning ng bumangon ako. I thought magiging okay na ako kinabukasan but I was wrong. I know it will take longer time for me to move on hundred percent.
I was planning on texting him or calling him and act like walang nangyari kagabi pero hindi ko pala kaya.

I went to bathroom and I wash my face. I saw Ethan was sleeping on the couch. Ang luwag ng kwarto niya. Parang isang bahay na yung kwarto niya , ang kulang na lang kitchen.

2 days from now, pasukan na for second semester. I guess hindi alam ni riri na ang may ari ng school na pinapasukan niya ay kay Ethan but got 40% share sa school for me. So I got millions from that school.

I also handled one subject for his last sem. It's research so its quiet hard for me to focus if we will meet again for whole sem.

I decided na umuwi na ng condo ko.  It's 5:30 am so everyone is asleep. I went downstairs then to the outside and saw my car. I started the engine and drove.

I decided to text Ethan and said thank you for everything.