Georgetown Behavior Health Institutions

April 18th

I don't remember what happened much. I could feel the dried tears on my cheeks. I looked at my arm and saw all the cuts. I just laid there staring at the ceiling. I wasn't sure what time it was. But the sun was already out in the sky, so it had to be past 7 am. After a while my mother came in to wake me up, but she found me already awake. I got up and got dress, and ready to go to blue bonnet trails. The whole morning i was thinking to my self, "should i have lied to them? maybe i wasn't ready to leave just yet." On the way out to the truck I looked at my mom and i told her that i think i left too early. She didn't say anything at first. Then she asked me if i hurt my self again. I was silent for a moment then i nodded my head. she didn't say anything. She got out of the truck and she went inside. I stayed in the truck and i started crying. Just full on bawling. I don't exactly know why, but i couldn't stop. Maybe it was because im putting my parents through this again. after about 15 minutes of sitting in the truck, my mother came out. She told me that she called blue bonnet trails and needed to re-schedule the appointment. She she looked at me and said "please just give it one more day, please." she began to tear up and her voice cracked. My body went cold, and my heart stopped. I couldn't breath. She then went back inside. I stayed in the truck for a while screaming and yelling at my self " why do you always have to fuck up everything!?!" i hated everything about me. I could never do anything right. 

Later that night i just laid there on my bed. I had a strong feeling that i just needed to go back. Maybe it was because I didn't want to deal with my problems, and i knew if i went back i didn't have to yet deal with everything. I wasn't ready. After all the crying like a baby i finally drifted off to sleep.