I'm sorry i love you | k.jd

viii

Jongdae's eyes are closed, his hair is matted to his forehead with perspiration, and his skin is pale. I spot a small object next to him, but I don't get a good look at it. It must've been the thing that dropped. I realize. I rush over to Jongdae, and gag when I see the toilet bowl.

In the toilet bowl, it looks like what he's eaten for dinner tonight, blended together, and thrown up. In fact it is throw up, I realize. I crouch down next to Jongdae. "Kim! Jong! Dae!" I yell. "Get back to your senses!" I try to pinch him in the arm, but unfortunately my hand just goes right through. "Ugh!" I scream.

Then I get up. This isn't working. I'm about to panic when suddenly Jongdae's phone rings. Jongdae's phone is also on the ground next to him, and I try to reach it to answer the call. I try to pick the phone up, but my hand just goes through it. "Dammit, why can't I pick this up?" I screech.

Please please please! I beg in my head. "Someone, please someone!" I scream on the top of my lungs.

And suddenly like a miracle, someone bursts through the bathroom door. I look up to see a very panic stricken Bomi, who is clutching a pair of keys in her hand.

I rush over to Bomi. "Help him!"

She runs over to Jongdae, and hoists him onto her back. Then she carries him out of his apartment.

...

I pace around, waiting. Waiting for the results.

Then a doctor comes out of the room, and motions to Bomi to come in. I follow her in the room.

"How is he?" Bomi voices the question that was troubling me.

The doctor looks grim. "Is this the first time that he's thrown up?" He asks.

"I wasn't aware until now." Bomi answers.

"The results came out, and he seems to have symptoms of bulimia nervosa." He informs.

My hand goes to my mouth. "What?" I shriek, not believing it. This can't be my Jongdae—no—there's no way that he has bulimia.

Bomi swallows. "Is this true?"

The doctor nods. "I'm very sorry, but yes." Then he motions to another door. "The patient is in there, if you would like to visit him."

Bomi nods, and starts to walk slowly to the door. I run through the door, to reveal a medium sized room, with a humidifier on a drawer, and a bed with Jongdae lying on it. Bomi walks over to Jongdae, and stares at him for a few seconds.

"I'll just leave him alone since he's sleeping." Bomi decides, and leaves the room.

I run over to Jongdae, and stare at him through my blurring eyes. "J-Jongdae, it's not true, is it? You don't really have bulimia, do you? The doctors are wrong, right?" I automatically wipe at my dry cheeks. Stay strong, Seo Hye, don't cry in front of him. I tell myself, even while knowing that I cannot cry real tears nor can Jongdae see me.

...

The next day, Jongdae does not go to work. In fact he stays at the hospital, and will probably get discharged tomorrow. I sit on the ground, next to Jongdae, as he sleeps. When he wakes up, I'm still there. "Jongdae, what do you want for breakfast?" I ask.

Jongdae's eyes flutter open, and I note the many lashes on his eyelids. When Jongdae scans the room, and probably realizes the events from yesterday, his eyes dim, and he looks dull again. "Oh." He says. Then he sees his phone on the drawer next to him.

Excitedly, he reaches for it, and starts dialing a number.

I lean towards him, to see who he's calling, and close my eyes in disappointment when I realize who it is. "Jongdae," I say his name. "Don't call her, she won't answer, and you can't rely on her. She's not a good person." I tell him, hoping that he'll hang up.

The other end doesn't pick up, and he puts his phone down in disappointment. "Seo Hye, why don't you ever call me these days?"

...

Throughout the entire day, several different people visit. Bomi visits once or twice, Dahyun stops by to say hi, Minseok visits once, and so does Jimin and Woohyun.

What I've observed is that when they visit, Jongdae is his usual joking, happy self, but the second they leave, his smile disappears, and all traces of happiness is gone. "Jongdae, you should smile more. It fits you better." I advise him.

Suddenly someone enters. My shoulders deflate when I realize it's Bomi. "Oh."

"Hi Bomi." Jongdae greets her politely.

Bomi sits on the visitor's stool, and faces Jongdae. "How are you feeling?"

Jongdae waves his hand. "As good as anyone would after eating hospital food all day." He jokes.

Bomi giggles, and I snort.

I glare at Bomi. "Can you please just go away now?"

Of course she doesn't answer, and just continues to stare at Jongdae as if he's a new species that was recently discovered and put into a museum.

"Stop staring, you look like those airhead girls in dramas right now." I insult Bomi.

Bomi continues to do this, and decides to leave a few minutes later.

I grit my teeth. Why am I so fired up right now? I clench my fists. Why do I feel so angry? I feel this weird burning feeling flared up in my chest, and I think I know what it is, but I don't exactly want to admit why. If I admit it to myself, then that means that it's true, and it's not true.

This can't even happen, I'm dead. I mean there's no way that I have feelings for Jongdae, right?