I'm sorry i love you | k.jd

xvi

"Hi Seo Hye!" Says a voice, and I whirl around, making my hair whip me in the face.

I break into a grin when I see Myungsoo waving at me. "Hey," I greet.

"What're you looking at?" Myungsoo questions, seeing me stare at the large, square shaped window of a store.

"Myself." I respond, earnestly.

Myungsoo's eyebrows shoot up to the top of his forehead in puzzlement. "But your reflection isn't there, it doesn't exist anymore." Myungsoo says, itching his chin, looking confused.

I smile grimly. "Exactly." I say, and Myungsoo looks like he now understands.

He faces me, staring at me with kind eyes. "Are you okay?" He questions.

I shake my head. "No." I answer, honestly.

"Why?"

"I wish—" I bite my lip. "I wish I wasn't dead." I reply.

...

Myungsoo and I stand still for a few minutes, listening to the wind, to leaves being blown around, and to people rushing around. In other words, we're watching life go on without us. I've been left behind, by life itself, and it's hard to see it go on without me, daily.

"It's difficult, isn't it?" I say to Myungsoo, and I'm answered with wide eyes.

"What?"

"Isn't it hard to watch life go by without you?"

Myungsoo shakes his head. "Not when you have someone to spend it with," he answers my question, referring to Krystal.

"Are you okay with Krystal now?" I ask Myungsoo, suddenly remembering that he'd been angry at her a few days ago.

Myungsoo nods. "I thought about it, and I actually wasn't upset with her." He tells me. "I was upset with myself."

"Why?" I question, wondering if it's appropriate to ask.

"I let time go by so quickly, I didn't cherish her enough, and I just wasn't ready." He says. "Time really goes by quickly, even when you're no longer alive, so spend it wisely." Myungsoo advises me.

"Okay," I agree. But, there's a big problem. What if the person that you want to spend all your time with is alive, and you're dead?

...

By the time I finally decide to go back to Jongdae's apartment, it's around five pm—probably too early for Jongdae to be home. And I'm right, he isn't. But I check in his room, anyway, and am about to go to where he works, when I spot something on his desk. It's the notebook that he always writes in, the one where he writes letters to me, and another piece of paper on top of it.

Since the piece of paper is nearly covering the entire notebook page, I decide to read that instead of the notebook.

At the top it says today's date, and under that it says, "dear reader." I begin reading out loud.

"If you're reading this, then it must mean that everything went according to my plan, and that I was successful." My face scrunches up in confusion. What plan?

"You're probably wondering 'why would he do that?' Well, I  had my reasons, none of which I will be revealing to you." Reasons for what?

"First I want to apologize to my dad. I know that he's worked hard ever since I was born, and I'm sorry that I had to be born to make you overwork yourself so much. I also want to apologize to my friends and coworkers. I'm sorry about this, as this means that I've probably just quit my job. I want to tell you that I was happy working there, I really was." I scrutinize that sentence, wondering the reason. "What?"