I'm sorry i love you | k.jd

vi

When I wake up, Jongdae's not in his bed, and I'm guessing that he's already headed off to work. I get up and yawn loudly. Even though I don't need sleep, and it doesn't really affect me, I still feel really refreshed.

It's actually been a while since I've gotten a good night's sleep, and I don't mean because I haven't been sleeping since I haven't been needing it, but I mean even when I was alive, I somehow just couldn't fall asleep at all.

There was something that was keeping me up, an odd feeling that I had never experienced before, it kept me restless and jumpy, it just wouldn't allow me sleep. But last night, I had miraculously fallen asleep, and slept well.

I let myself out of Jongdae's apartment, out the building, and into society again. Knowing that I won't bother anyone by doing this, I stretch, and let out a scream.

"Excuse me, can you please not yell?" I hear in an annoyed voice, making me jump.

Was that just me? How could someone have heard me? I wonder, feeling a little spooked. A little ironic if you think about it—a ghost getting spooked. Slowly, I turn around, wondering what I'll see. I see a boy and a girl that look like they're in high school, sitting on the ground together.

I walk up to them, not exactly knowing if they were talking to me. "Were you talking to me?" I ask.

"No, I was talking to the little bird on that tree up there." He answers, rolling his eyes.

I have the strong urge to punch him in the face. "Teenagers these days, so rude." I mutter under my breath.

The guy sighs. "I'm sorry." He apologizes, and I pity how heavy that sigh seems to be.

I smile tightly. "It's alright." I sit down in front of both of them. "I'm Park Seo Hye." I add.

"My name is Krystal Jung." The girl introduces herself.

"Kim Myungsoo." The guy nods.

Then I lean in close to Myungsoo and Krystal's face. "Can you see me?"

They slowly back away a little. "Yes." Krystal responds.

I raise my eyebrows. "Really? I thought that no one could see ghosts, not even ghosts themselves." I say scratching my chin. "Are you a ghost or a shaman?" I grill.

"Ghost." Myungsoo answers at the same time as Krystal.

"Is it okay to ask how you guys died so young?" I question, hoping that they won't be angry.

"I was driving, and I accidentally lost my grip on the wheel. I somehow drove off a cliff." Krystal tells me.

I raise my eyebrows at this. She looks way too young to have been driving at her age—no wonder she drove off a cliff.

Then I turn towards Myungsoo in expectation.

Myungsoo bites his lip, and I start to wonder if his death is more sensitive than a car accident, being just plain stupid, or drunk driving. Krystal puts her hand in his.

I put my hands up. "It's fine if you don't want to tell me." I take back my question.

Myungsoo shakes his head. "It's okay, it's not even that bad compared to others."

Krystal looks at Myungsoo with slight alarm. "You sure?"

Myungsoo nods. "I'm not going to tell you the story because it's way too long, but I died of Anorexia." He tells me, and my jaw drops.

Then I close it again. Anorexia? But how could a person like Myungsoo have insecurities like those? I wonder, confusedly. "I—um—know this won't help, but I'm really sorry."

Myungsoo smiles sadly. "It's okay. It's been two years already." He tells me. "Plus, if I hadn't died, I never would've met Krystal." He says, and despite the sad atmosphere, I want to go throw up whatever I ate for my last meal before I died.

"Awww, Myung, you're so sweet." Krystal comments, and she pecks him on the cheek.

I get up off the ground. "I'll be leaving now." I announce.

Myungsoo and Krystal nod. "Okay." They agree, and go back to being an overly sugary sweet couple.

When I've put a safe distance between me and them, I stick my tongue out in disgust. "Ugh, I didn't know that even in death people could be so disgustingly in love." I gag.

But I still can't believe that there are people like Krystal and Myungsoo that died so young. I kick the ground, but of course it has no effect, as not even a single blade of grass is fazed by my anger. The world is so unfair! Why do some people have to die so young? Why do some people have to die such unfair deaths, only to eventually be forgotten by the ones that they loved?

Why did I have to die, and be left with no one?

...

I watch a guy put on a delicate silver necklace around his girlfriend's neck. "Siwon! It looks so pretty!" The girl squeals, and I look away.

I turn around to see a little boy run into his mother and father's arms. "Mommy and daddy, I love you so much!" The boy yells.

What I wouldn't give to be able to hug my parents again. I stare at the hard concrete ground, and feel a yearning to once again be human that rings so badly that I just want to die. Nope—wrong word—I can't die because I'm already dead, and if I die again then that would be horrible. Being dead is so frustrating!

I wish I was alive again. I took life for granted, I didn't cherish the people in my life enough. I can't believe I was such an unfaithful daughter to my parents. Besides themselves, all they had was me. And Jongdae, why wasn't I a better friend to him? I was always so mean and bratty to him. I can't believe myself right now.

If I wasn't already dead, I would want to kill myself right now for being such a horrible person.

"Seo Hye," I hear, making me turn around so fast that my hair nearly whips me.

In the distance, I think I make out someone staggering towards me. I notice that it's Jongdae. I realize that he's drunk, and reason that he had a company dinner with his coworkers and boss tonight. Why didn't he call me to drive him home? I automatically think, then remember that he couldn't have even if he wanted to.

He's about to fall, so I run to his side to catch him, not realizing until it's too late that he's going to fall right through me. Luckily he doesn't fall onto his head, as he's completely fine. Yet I still fuss over him, making sure that he's okay. "Jongdae, you're not hurt, are you?" I fuss.

"Seo Hye," he murmurs, his voice muffled. My ears perk up. I know that he can't hear me, and that he's not actually talking to me right now, but if he says something that he would've said to me if I was alive, then technically isn't he talking to me? "Seo Hye, you hurt my heart."

A/N: yes, i'm aware that krystal is currently dating kai, but I just used myungstal instead because i rly shipped in them the kdrama, my lovable girl. also, myungsoo and krystal are supposed to be high school aged here. i apologize if you ship kaistal.