More Than Friends: A #Mashley Fan-Fic

Panic

Ashley's POV:

I wake up shivering on my mattress. My eyes are tear stained, and I've kicked off my blankets in my sleep. Let me explain why.

~Last Night~

Last night, after the movers came and I settled in, I ordered myself some take-out for dinner. All was well. At the moment.

After I finished eating, I was texting Mitch for a while, until he had to go. After that, I went on Twitter and Tumblr until there was no new posts. That was when it started.

I went on YouTube, and a song caught my eye, so I listened to it.

(Make up your own tune I'm lazy)

"What more can I do?

If I'm not enough for you?

This first love is breaking me apart...

I don't even know where to start!

What happens if my best isn't enough?

How can I compete with a diamond in the rough?

Falling in love is not what I meant to do...

But baby I can't help my wanting you."

I froze. What happens if I'm not enough for Mitch? I thought. What if he decides I'm not good enough, and decides he doesn't want to be with me anymore? I don't think I could handle it...I would lose myself again. Why did I allow myself to fall in love? I know what happened last time. I'm not meant for anyone...I'm just...nothing. I tried to push the thoughts out of my head, but my efforts were futile. The feelings I had pushed down for so long came back, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. They filled my head, forcing me to remember the pain, sucking out every bit of happiness I had. I clutched my head and closed my eyes, not wanting it to happen, but of course it did anyway. I screamed as the panic took over. I was nowhere, nothing. There was darkness all around me, and Mitch was there. I reached out to him for comfort, but he moved away, disgusted by what he saw. He screamed at me, telling me I was worthless, fat and ugly. And I believed him. In my mind, I was being tortured by his words, feeling them slowly kill me. In reality, I was writhing in my sheets, screaming and crying in a little ball. I regained consciousness once, and I debated whether or not to contact someone, but I hadn't wanted to tell Mitch, for what would he think of me if he knew? So instead, I let myself be consumed by the unknown, feeling so real in my mind it made me want to kill myself. All it was was just pain, pain, pain, and it wouldn't go away. It felt as if it would never end, that I was damned to suffer, and always would.

~In the morning~

I know I had an attack last night. It came so sudden, and left me feeling exhausted and weak in the morning. I rub my head and get out of my bed to check my heart rate. Those attacks were the cause of my heart problems, so I had to visit my doctor every year to make sure I was okay. Luckily, I had a new doctor in LA, so I would be able to visit her as soon as I could to make sure I was alright. I check my heart rate with my little device, and see it's a little higher than normal. I sigh. I would have to go today, which meant I would probably have to cancel on Regina. I text her saying I forgot I had a doctors appointment and that I couldn't go, and I call my doctor to schedule an appointment.

When I get to the doctor's office, I check in and go to my assigned room. Minutes later, a nurse with blonde hair comes in. 

"Doctor Peyton will be right in with you." she says before leaving. I just smile and nod. She closes the door, and the doctor comes in a few seconds later.