She woke up to a crashing sound. She had difficulty opening her eyes. But when she did, she felt lost for a moment. Then the throbbing pain in her head made her painfully aware of the previous night. Her heart started to ache more than any physical pain she has ever had to endure.
"Sorry, Ye, nagising kita."
When she looked towards Kim, she saw Kim was picking up the cover of the pitcher.
She sat up.
"Daks," Vic said from the balcony's doorway. "Kain tayo para makainom ka ng gamot."
She nodded but did not make any motion to move. In fact, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She didn't want to face the reality of today.
"Nag-away kayo ni Alyssa?" Kim asked.
She nodded.
"So ano? Break na ba?" she heard the teasing tone in Kim's voice.
"Siguro. Baka."
The room fell silent.
"Uy, Ye! Nagbibiro lang naman ako!" Kim said.
"Ako hindi."
She honestly, honestly doesn't know where they stand. After last night, she just felt like she needed time and space from Alyssa. Because seeing Alyssa made her remember all the times Alyssa disregarded her or forgot about her. And it hurt. It fucking hurt so much she would rather not be anywhere near Alyssa right now.
Does she want to break up? She...doesn't know.
She loves Alyssa. But her love for Alyssa was changing her and maybe not for the better. Before Alyssa, if it weren't Alyssa, she was sure she would have given her significant other a peace of her mind. She wouldn't have been afraid to speak out. She was an outspoken person but with Alyssa, she was just different. She was extremely scared of losing Alyssa that she was losing sight of who she was.
A break up wasn't sounding too bad right now. She needs to keep herself in check. She needs to find the fire in her she seemed to be losing when it comes to Alyssa.
Just as she was thinking that, the fear crept in again. What if Alyssa finds someone else why they're on a break? What if Alyssa leaves her for someone else? She wouldn't be able to take that.
But then, a break up would be useless anyway. They were married for goodness' sake.
But your marriage doesn't have any value here. She could divorce you. You should just forgive her because you love her naman. And you know you can't resist Alyssa.
And the thought of divorce scared her even more.
She started pulling on her hair because of frustration. She just said she didn't want to be scared anymore. No, it's normal to be scared. But she wanted to be able to fight back and not be paralyzed because of fear.
"Daks, makakalbo ka niyan," Vic's hands were suddenly on hers.
She gave a short smile.
Before she could even respond, the doorbell rang.
Her heart beat fast. It already knew who it was even before they heard her speak.
"Kim, si Alyssa 'to. I know Mika's there. Let me talk to her, please."
The desperation in Alyssa's voice tugged at her heart. It felt like she was the priority once again. But she has to stand her ground no matter how much she missed Alyssa.
She shook her head at Kim.
Kim didn't unlock the chain but opened the door slightly.
"Aly," Kim said softly. "Ayaw ka pa kasi makausap ni Mika."
