Falling Too ~ Josh Dun

Twelve

My eye fluttered open. The room around me was still dark. It took me a minute to remember that I was asleep on Josh's couch down stairs. As much as I wanted to curl up on his huge bed upstairs, I resorted to the next best thing, I sighed as the 2 bottles of water I drank on the way home hit me. I got up and headed towards the stairs. The only bathroom I knew where it as was the one that shared a wall with Josh's room. And as I didn't feel like stumbling in the dark trying to find another bathroom, upstairs it was.

I couldn't help myself but to peek into Josh's room on my way back down. Not in a creepy way, but he was just so cute when he slept.

I slightly opened the door look at the space on the bed where I had left him.

It was empty. Nothing but messy covers. I slowly walked in further trying to find him, quite sobs came from a hunched over figure sitting at the end of the bed.

I took two large steps and sat next to him. I placed my hand lightly on his back, this made him flinch. His breathing was shallow and very shaky. I moved to sit cross legged slightly behind and to the left of him.

"Hey, hey it's okay Josh. I got you." I whispered comfortingly as I moved my hand from his back up to his wild hair. I ran my fingers through it. This was the first time I had seen him without a grin on his face.

"Focus on my breathing, okay? I don't know what you're thinking but only focus on my words and my breathing... Breathe in 1 2 3... Hold it for 1 2 3... And out for 1 2 3..." I repeated that several times before I heard him start slowly counting under his breath with me. "Good you keep doing that, okay?"

I slipped out from behind him knowing what needed to happen. I grabbed his phone from the night stand and called Tyler.

"Shit, Josh it's 4 in the morning, what?"

"Tyler? It's Allison. Josh is having a panic attack. You know him better. I don't know how to help him."

"Damn. Okay." He sounded solemn. "I'll be there as soon as I can. If you can, get him into the shower and turn the water all the way to cold. It helps him breathe." He hung up. I crossed back over to Josh. I could tell he was really focused on his breathing even though he digressed a little bit.

"Hey, do you think if I help you, you could make it to the shower?" He gave a small, scared nod. I helped him stand and we slowly made our way to the bathroom. I helped him down into the tub and turned the water as cold as it could get. I heard him gasp as the cold water hit his back. I sat down in the tub facing him I couldn't feel the cold, however, it definitely wasn't what I was focusing on. He looked so scared, paralyzed. I reached for his hand and began to slow message it.

"Can you feel this?" He nodded smalley.

"Good. Great job breathing, keep it up. Ignore everything else. Focus on me. Focus on breathing." We sat there, breathing, letting the freezing water run over us both. I quietly began to sing a Reliant K song we both would know, hoping to give him something else to focus on.

Tyler came around the corner glass of water in hand. Either he sped getting here or much more time than I thought had passed. He looked exhausted and a little confused to see us both sitting in the tub fully clothed and drenched. He crossed over and turned the shower off.

"Here" he helped Josh take a sip of the water he had brought with him.

"Allison go get me some clothes for him," Tyler commanded without taking his eyes off Josh.

I got out of the tub a grabbed a towel clumsily, the cold had made my body stiff.

I hurried back into Josh's room, located a dresser and found a pair of basketball shorts, a tee shirt and a pair of boxers. I brought the bundle back to the bathroom and gave it to Tyler who by this time already had Josh sitting on the side of the tub shirtless, drying him off.

"Thanks. Borrow some of his clothes and get changed. I'll get him back to bed."

I nodded and left.

I went back to the dresser and found a pair of basketball shorts, and tee shirt for myself as well. I sat down on Josh's bed. Silent tears slowly trickled down my cheeks. "For someone that has a lot of panic attacks you should be able to help someone through one." I pushed passed that stood up and get changed. I sat back down on the bed and ran my fingers through my hair. Tyler entered the room with a stumbling Josh clinging on to him. I stood up and left the room, giving them a minute.

"I know Josh. I know. She'll be right back, okay? I know. She won't leave you." I heard Tyler talk to Josh in a tone I'd never heard. Tyler was always so goofy and happy. This was an interesting side of him. I waited outside the door for Tyler.

"Is he okay?" I asked as he gently shut Josh's door behind him. He nodded.

"Shaken up, but okay. He doesn't like having other people having to treat him this way. It makes him feel helpless. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm worried about him... Do you know what it was about?"

"No, he'll never say the night of. Morning after sometimes you can get bits and pieces. Not often though. It makes it difficult to help him." There was a pause and a moment where I thought I'd start crying again.

"How often does this happen to him?" I felt the lump in my throat come back.

"It varies. Sometimes he won't have one for months, other times it's every night. Those are the times he comes and lives with me. This was his first one since he met you." He said the last part with a half smile. That tipped me over the edge, small tears began to fall. Tyler put a hand on my shoulder.

"You did the right, thing calling me. You got him calmed down quicker than I ever can. Thank you for helping him, he is important to me."

Tyler is surprisingly good at calming people down. He is shockingly nurturing. I would never have guessed.

"You better go stay with him. He needs you now more than me. I'm gonna sleep on the couch. Wake me up for any reason, okay?" I nodded and slipped back into the dark room.

Josh laid on his back, under the covers with eyes closed. Silent tears slipped out from his eyelids.

"Can I lay down with you?" I asked, breaking the silence. He gave a small nod and wiped a tear from his left eye.

I crawled under the blankets but stayed sitting up.

"Joshua? Are you okay?" I asked softly as a stroked a piece of hair out of his eyes.

He pauses then with eyes still closed he answered hoarsely, "as long as you promise to not let go of my hand, I'll always be okay, Ally."

"Promise."

He gently pulled me down so I was laying. I held his hand but still tried to keep a respectful distance. After all, I still barely knew this guy. Just as my eyes were growing heavy and were about to close I felt his warm, strong arm snake around my waist and pull me into his chest.

"Goodnight, Ally, baby." I was glad it was dark or Josh would have seen the brilliant red my cheeks turned.

"Goodnight, Josh."

The sounds of our slowing breaths and heartbeats lulled us to sleep.