Midnight Tears

Mom.

I walked up to my mom on a Tuesday afternoon after school and I said, "mom, I think I'm depressed." She said, "No honey, you're just sad because you got a bad grade."

I walked up to my mom two years later on a Tuesday afternoon after school and I said, "mom, I think I'm depressed." She said, "No honey, you're just going through a pre-teen phase."

I walked up to my mom a year later on a Tuesday afternoon after school and I said, "mom, I'm depressed." "No honey-" 

"No mom."

 I don't think you get it. I cut my skin every night and watch the blood flow out as if it were some kind of therapy, as if it healed me. I stared at pills not as if they were medicine but as if they were problem solvers, life enders. I cry myself to sleep every night as if my eyes were a faucet. 

"No mom, you don't understand." She told me, "no you don't understand. You have a good life, good school, good family. You're okay."

"Mom!" 

You don't understand! School isn't great! My family ignores my problems! Look past the curtains mom! Don't you see my lack of energy and red eyes?

Mom you don't get it. A person's life may seem great but they could be falling apart faster than an alcoholic takes a shot, they can be more broken than a vase dropped by a toddler. 

Mom you don't seem to understand my problem. Every time I seek help you tell me I'm okay. Every time I go to school I feel like the world is spinning faster than a stray dog eats if you feed them. I'm falling apart faster than you push me away, mom I am not okay. 

So I walk up to my mom on a Tuesday afternoon after school and I say, "mom, I'm okay."