Out of My Mind (Book 2)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

She wanted to hit him and she wanted to smack him and she wanted to make him feel what she had felt for the past five years. When Elliana woke up the next morning, she was wondering why the frustration and anger hadn't hit her when she first saw him. Then she realized that she still loved him at the time. He was what she had been holding onto and with the weeks she had been in this negative state, she had been brought clarification. She knew she was still in love with Colton, but she could not bring herself to trust him again. She had forgiven him, but the freshest memory in her mind had to have been the morning he left and she was only left with a jersey and a letter.

She had left the hotel room before Colton had even woken up, and she made sure to disguise herself in a blue sweater, jeans, sandals, sunglasses and she put her hair up into a beanie. She didn't want to see him. She didn't want to hear his voice for crying out loud. She wanted nothing to do with him at the moment, but she had no choice. No matter how much she wanted to get away right now, her career was riding on Colton.

Elliana had decided to buy herself a latte at Starbucks about a block away from their hotel and for the strangest reason, she did not want the sweet flavor caramel always offered her when she put it in her coffee. In a sense, she felt bland just like her coffee. She felt like there was nothing to feel, like how there was nothing to really taste. Five years ago, she felt like Colton was her heart and soul but now? She felt nothing.

He lied to her, and now? She was conflicted. She loved him with everything but he did the one thing she hated. He lied to her. He didn't try to chase her.

If he didn't put any effort into her, why should she put any effort into him?

Then she remembered.

Thier relationship would only really stop if she quit putting in the effort. That's how it ended the first time. When he stopped putting effort and she erased his number after that call with Alina, their relationship stopped entirely. At least until their management decided it would be a good idea to put them back together.

Right as Elliana had put the last piece of her heart back into the puzzle he shattered, another little piece chipped off and when she put that one back, so did another, and she couldn't seem to figure him out or herself for that matter.

She didn't want to talk to him, or look at him, or even hear his voice for that matter.

'I was doing fine before he came back.' She thought, taking a sip of her coffee.

She knew she was doing fine. She had been getting her life back on track and she was about to release the album that's supposed to set her career off into the VIP music world. When Colton came back, it stunted her. She couldn't think of anything in that quiet studio room or even her music room.

She sat at that café with a cooled coffee and thoughts of her album and Colton. Colton had always been her distraction. In the past five years, every time she couldn't think of a lyric, she'd grab Colton's jersey and hold it to muster up emotion for a lyric even though every single time, her pen didn't exert a single drop of ink but her eyes let out a vast amount of tears at the end of the night. All those times, she was left with an unwritten song and a tear-stained pillow.

"I shouldn't go back to him." She told herself. "It's hopeless. This whole relationship was doomed from the start." She sipped her coffee once more and despite her resistance, a tear fell from her eye and onto the table. "He left you that morning like you were nothing. He left you with a jersey and letter that are now snuffed away in a closet back home in Los Angeles. He didn't bother saying goodbye. That would have eased your mind, wouldn't it? He didn't call you. He didn't try to reach you. You're a well-known celebrity and he didn't even think about trying to find you knowing damn well where you were. What kind of man does that? If he loved you, he would have tried to get you back. He doesn't care about you."