Out of My Mind (Book 2)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Elliana's POV

I remember my first winter in Minnesota.

It was cold and dreary and far different than what you would call "Winter" in Los Angeles. In Los Angeles, all Winter was considered was not a new season for weather, but a new season for clothing. That's all I had known for all of my life.

Then I was thrown into somewhere completely new, with people I don't remember meeting, and dropping almost everything and everyone from my hometown.

I hated it.

My first winter in Minnesota, I refused to go outside. I refused to set foot in the snow. It was beautiful when I looked outside the window, but the minute I opened that window, it wasn't as nice as it looked. Maybe that was how my judgement functioned through my perception. I always perceived someone to be nice based on how they looked.

That's how I felt about Colton. I was sheltered in my room and I always saw him as some gift to me that I received in my time of need and depression, but once I opened that window and he let me in, nothing was rainbows and the California sunshine anymore. It changed to dark clouds and the dreary Minnesota snow. He became new to me.

He was no longer this happy, go-lucky guy who didn't have a care in the world with an inflated ego and heightened arrogance. He was the real Colton who had shrinked to something far smaller than what people believed him to be.

After awhile, the cold isn't as bad as you thought it was at first.

**

I found peace in Los Angeles. I found peace at my home. However, over the past four years, all it made me want to do was cry. It made me want to stay within the confines of my home or apartment. I didn't want to face it, because everywhere I looked, a reminder of Colton came back. I would always see someone walk across Santa Monica Pier and every few people or so, I could have sworn I saw a full head of dark brown hair and a sparkle of light blue eyes. Then I'd look, and his hair would be a lighter shade of brown and you knew from one glance that those eyes weren't Colton's sparkling blue ones.

When I came back to Los Angeles after one year, I had stayed in an apartment overlooking Santa Monica Pier and I realized after a few months, that I wished I had stayed in Minnesota. I wish I could have gone back. Five years ago, this city was a safe haven to me. Now, all it reminds me is of what used to be. Now it reminds me of when I lived in ignorance and didn't have the slightest ounce of an idea of what was really going on.

Two weeks ago, I was in New York City arguing with him, trying to figure out where I stood on the situation.

Here's the honest truth: I still don't know.

Two weeks ago, I wanted to throw things at him. Whatever was nearest, I wanted to throw at him. I wanted to blame him for everything that had gone wrong in the past five years and everything before. Everything was still fresh in my mind, especially Colton.

The door creeked open and Kara peeked her head in. "Can I come in?" She asked.

"You're going to come in anyway. Why do you even ask?" I tell her.

"You know what? You're right." Kara said as she walked into my room and sat down on my bed. Her belly had grown a noticeable size since She had announced her pregnancy. "You good?" I said nothing. I had nothing to say. "Why do I even ask?"