One Call Is All

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Kajol-2008

Shah Rukh places his arm over my growing stomach placing his chin on my shoulder, smiling into my neck. I find myself smiling at his touch and his infectious joy. I place my hand over his squeezing his fingers making his smile grow.
"I love you," he mumbles into my neck as I shuffle around under the sheets trying to get comfy. Being four months pregnant has some drawbacks, like finding it hard to get comfy at night.
"I love you too," I whisper as Shah Rukh pulls me closer to his bare chest. He makes me blush as he kisses my neck softly and I close my eyes praying for sleep to envelope me before my cheeks flush even more.
"Are you excited?" Shah Rukh mumbles and I feel my eyes fly open. Shah Rukh is referring to the fact that my father has blessed our union and wants us to 'get married' again. So far the only thing we've planned is the fact that it'll be at the same temple we made our vows at the first time we married. I have just been so preoccupied with Aryan, who is now one, and being pregnant. My mum and Tanishaa are loving the fact my wedding needs planning and jump at every opportunity. I'm so happy that things between Shah Rukh and my father got sorted out. I mean they are really quite close now, bonding over cricket and the old classic films. Whenever they are together it's like watching a father and son, which makes me think Shah Rukh is pleased my father accepted him seen as his dad died when he was younger.
"Haan," I whisper thinking about all the fun we have in front of us. The birth of our second child, the wedding... Hopefully having another baby? I love the feeling of being pregnant. Although it reminds me of Aman and the pain of losing him, I feel as though pregnancy brings me closer to him in some strange way.
"You're beautiful you know that?" Shah Rukh says propping himself up on his elbow and looking at me in the moonlight streaming through our window. I smile at him. All the time he just gives me random compliments and it makes me realise why I love him. In fact my love for Shah Rukh seems to be growing, especially when I see him with Aryan. They are like two peas in a pod and get into all sorts of mischief together. You can definitely tell they are father and son!
"What is with you and complimenting me?" I ask playfully hitting Shah Rukh's chest. He places his hand over mine over his beating heart as his smile never leaves his lips but his eyes shift. I can tell what's happening here, it makes me feel awkward... At times like this I just want Shah Rukh but I would feel awkward because I'm pregnant. Shah Rukh leans his face close to mine and I can feel his breathe fan over my cheek making me blush. His lips brush against mine his eyes trained on mine and I feel my lips curling into a cheeky grin as the phone beside our bed begins to shrill. Shah Rukh jumps away from me releasing my hand, removing his arm from my waist. I reach over and feel my fingers grasp the plastic pulling it from its cradle towards my ear as I press the green button.
"Haan?" I whisper smiling at Shah Rukh who is smirking at me a look of complete love in his eyes.
"Kajol?" My mum's voice sound pained and distant. I sit up in bed swinging my legs over the side pushing the covers off me.
"Ma?" I ask...

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Shah Rukh Khan-2008

I stand in the hallway listening to the cries of Tanuja and Tanishaa. Kajol is just stood staring at the mantle place with her arms folded across her chest. I don't exactly know what I should be doing. It's like my brain won't let me think, it just keeps tricking me into thinking I can do something before completely shutting down again. I have only felt pain like this when my parents died and that same pain is clenching my heart with both hands knowing that Shomu is gone from this world. Kajol turns from the mantle place and walks purposefully across the living room towards me. I don't know whether she wants to be held or whether she's angry. Her face is completely emotionless and it scares me.
"We should go home," Kajol says her voice completely even. I stare at her willing her to just let me inside her mind right now but her eyes just stay blank. Maybe this is her way of coping with her father's death but surely she'd want to stay with her family in this time of pain and grief?
"Okay," I nod my head as Kajol turns to her mum and sister. She walks over to them as they stand off the sofa trying to contain their cries. They all pull one another into a hug holding each other tightly, looking like they never want to let go.
"We're going to be okay," Tanuja sniffles and I feel a tear fall down my cheek wiping it away feeling like an intruder on their grief. I liked Shomu, I liked him a lot and regarded him as the father I had lost but now he too had been stolen from this world. Kajol breaks away from the hug and nods her head before turning and walking past me out the front door. Tanuja smiles a weak smile at me indicating that I need to look after Kajol. She likes to think she is strong but I know how much the miscarriage tore her apart on the inside. If she's not careful she'll end up destroying herself. I follow her out towards the car where Kajol has her hand poised on the handle. I flashed the keys opening the car as Kajol pulls the door open like a zombie before sliding in.

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I feel her sobbing waking me from my dozing state. I roll over to be faced by Kajol's back which is shuddering with the effort to hold in her tears. I reach my hand out and touch her back making her flinch. She rolls onto her back and sits up the tear tracks visible on her cheeks in the moonlight. She presses her palms onto her cheeks trying to stem the flow of tears. I wrap my arms around her waist pulling her towards me wanting to hold her as she sobs but she tries to untangle my arms clawing at them subconsciously but still I won't let go. She eventually runs out of energy as the tears keep pouring. She turns her body in my grasp wrapping her arms around my neck, placing her head against my chest. I kiss the top of her head not knowing the words to comfort her, knowing in my heart that there are no words to comfort her right now.
"I hate you," she sobs using one her hands to punch my chest weakly. Momentarily this catches me off guard. I haven't done anything to hurt Kajol? She must be angry at her father for leaving her. I know I was angry at my parents for leaving me, but slowly you realise that parents would do anything humanly possible to stay with their children and that sometimes it's God's plan for you to lose the ones you love.
"I hate you so much right now," she continues to sob pounding her hand against my chest as I hold her tighter. I think about how bad this sort of worked up state could potentially be for the baby but don't want to worry Kajol. She needs to be able to let the emotions for her father out now rather than letting them build up inside of her.
"I hate you so much but love you at the same time," Kajol cries her punches become weaker and weaker, "I want you to leave me alone Shah Rukh." I hesitate for a minute. She wants me to leave? Does she hate me? What have I done?
"Leave me alone!" Kajol shouts pushing me away from her gaining her strength back as I feel my arms snap from around her waist. I stare at her as rage, sadness and confusion flash in her eyes. I open my mouth to speak but think it best to just keep my mouth shut not wanting to upset her any more than she is right now, thinking about the baby. I slide out of bed and grab my top from the floor pulling it over my bare chest. I walk towards the door feeling my heart aching as I hear Kajol crying.
"I love you," I whisper but she doesn't reply.

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