Secret Love Story #wattys2017 (COMPLETED)

Still

Shah Rukh Khan-2003

I can't believe we are coming to the fifth month of filming Kal Ho Naa Ho but this month is going to be the best because we are filming just pure songs! I've been really lucky to be offered the part of Aman Mathur and it's really different to the usual roles I play. In fact I'm on my way to set now checking my phone in case I've missed a call off anyone because I am a little late. I'm so out of it today though, with having a late night last night learning the words to the songs and then running through the choreography and then not really sleeping that I run smack into someone sending their papers flying to the floor. I bend down and scrabble around on the floor feeling heat rising in my cheeks. I totally forgot to look where I was going.
"Sorry," a familiar voice says and I look up seeing Kajol for the first time in two years. My hand stops and my whole body freezes. The day she moved out and back in with her parents was the last time I ever saw her. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about her and I wonder whether she thinks about me. She stops collecting her papers and looks up at me the smile slipping from her face when she recognises me. She pulls the papers close to her chest standing up slowly so I follow her lead. I notice she is still wearing her wedding band third finger right hand just like me.
"Hi," I breathe running my hand through the back of my hair.
"Hi," Kajol breathes back staring at me like I'm a ghost. I wonder what she's doing here on set but every time I try to form the words nothing will come out. I've missed her so much. I still love her with every single particle in my body and seeing her here just brings it all flooding back.
"Oh there you are Shah Rukh!" I hear Karan Johar call as he stops beside me and Kajol. She looks away trying to hide the sadness and pain in her eyes but I've already glimpsed it.
"Yeah sorry I'm late," I apologise never taking my eyes off Kajol.

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I can't help but be drawn to her as she learns her choreography for the small cameo she is doing in the song Mahi Ve. Every time I'm near her I just want to pull her into my arms and never let go which makes filming very hard. We've been trying to do this song for over seven hours straight and it's getting into the late evening which is making me tetchy. I just want to go to my hotel room and lie on my bed with my eyes closed trying to push Kajol from my mind. Although I still love her it kills me to remember that we are no longer together but we are still married. Like it doesn't make sense. Why hasn't she filed for a divorce when we don't live together or even see each other anymore? As we run through the choreography I can't help but just stare at her. She still looks beautiful after these years apart and I still find myself smiling at her every move.
"Maybe we should call it a break for today?" Karan laughs and everyone begins to disperse. Kajol walks off and for some reason my feet decide to follow her until we reach her trailer. The door shuts as I let myself in and see Kajol staring at me her hand halfway to removing some flowers from her hair. I stride towards her and place my left arm around her waist leaning my face in close to hers so our lips are almost touching as my right hand reaches for the remaining flowers in her hair pulling them out slowly. I can feel Kajol melting under my touch. Although she tries to resist she ends up placing her lips on mine dragging me into a world of electricity, sparks and tingles that I haven't felt since we broke up. I feel Kajol lace her arms around my neck as I carefully push her against the wall of her trailer. I have waited two whole years to feel Kajol's touch, to hold her in my arms, to kiss her, to show her how much I love her.
"Not here," Kajol pulls away shaking her head. I look at her. Does she mean? I nod my head letting her slide her hands over my chest until she motions for me to grasp her hand. We walk out of the trailer off set to the hotel never once letting our hands split. It's like without this connection we'll die. She pulls me into the lift after her and impatiently punches her floor number. I want Kajol. I want her right now. I want to trace her body with my fingers and feel her skin pressed against mine and whisper how much I love her into her hair and taste her kiss on my lips again. In a matter of two years I don't understand how you can learn to miss someone so much. The lift binges on her floor and I realise it's also my floor. She pulls me after her until I stop her pulling her back towards me. I take my key card from my pocket and slide it into the lock on my hotel door. I don't want to be wandering after her in a hallway when I can be pressing my lips on hers and feeling her love which I've craved so much. I pull her into my room wrapping my arms around her waist as I push my lips onto hers. It's like we've not been separated for two years, like I didn't just let her slip through my fingers. I gently guide Kajol onto my bed lying her down as I lie on top of her pressing my palms into the mattress in order to keep a small gap between us. Tonight nothing else matters because I've got Kajol and she's all I need.

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I wake up to an empty bed and no sign that Kajol was even in my room last night. I'm so confused. She was the one who wanted us to sleep together but now she's gone? It just doesn't make sense but hopefully when I see her today on set she won't freak out and I can talk to her about 'us', about whether there even is an us. I arrive on set early to try and catch her before we carry on filming but she doesn't seem to be in her trailer. I wander around the set keeping my eyes scanning over all the faces I see but I can't manage to find her.
"Karan where's Kajol?" I ask jogging to catch up with Karan. If anyone will know where Kajol is it'll definitely be her best friend. Karan looks at me with his eyebrows furrowed.
"She's gone home, she was only here for yesterday to film that short sequence," Karan says like I should know. I nod my head as Karan goes back to walking away and I stand like a desert island. So what did happen last night? I decide to push it from my brain because if I get too hung up on the details I'll drive myself nuts but then I see the scenes from last night being run by a stage hand who's talking to Karan. That's when I see the look shared between Kajol and I. That look says I love you in a multitude of languages and it kills me to know she's just gone without a word... Although I did hear her mumble 'I love you' in her sleep. I'll hold onto that thought. Deep down she still loves me.