Bash Mendez must save his favorite snack food from getting ruined by being turned into a gluten-free, sugarless, tasteless, and ultimately useless food by the nation's most zealous health nuts.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When Bash Mendez realizes...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Bash saw the apartment manager through the large glass doors of the front office. The office faces were all familiar and he knew each of their names at one moment in time, but remembered none of their names for this occasion.
"So, what brings you in here this morning, Sir?" The manager leaned forward and worked on his computer.
"Well, I wanted to come in and say hello on my first day on the beat."
"How's that?"
Bash continued, "I'll be checking things out around here. I'm the security guard."
The manager laughed and half-stood and offered his hand for Bash to shake. "I'm sorry, I don't think I introduced myself. I'm Frank Nelson, the manager here. And so you're, what, a security guard for a business around here?"
"Wow," said Bash, "you're gonna feel like you won the lottery when you hear this." Bash sat up straight and smiled big. "I'm you're new security guard."
"Thing is, I didn't hire a security guard. I would know if we hired you."
"You don't have to hire me, see, that's what's so great about this. I'm already here and ready. You don't even need to get me a uniform, I got this uniform yesterday at Goodwill. And check out my dog!"
Buddha sat and looked happy with her tongue hanging out. On her back was a backpack full of Bash's "security gear", including a large flashlight, peanuts, and two bottled waters. Across the backpack were large white block letters spelling, "SECURITY".
Frank asked, "Why do you think we need security?"
"You know, that's the problem," said Bash. "And that's the different between people like you ... and people like me. You stay in here in the air condition but I'm out there on the front line, walking the sidewalks, being your eyes and ears. Cuz so far, you don't have any, or you wouldn't ask that question. You'd already know."
"Please," implored Frank. "Enlighten me."
"You got people parking crooked out there, doing whatever they want. I found a van yesterday and all I can say is: something weird was going on in that van, man. And that's the tip of the iceberg, the things I found out in one day. Imagine what else is going on here. All kinds of bad people coming and going because you don't have a gate out front, who knows what crimes are happening out there."
A light haze of dust hung in the sunlight shining through the side window and created a visual barrier of light between the two men.
"Mister," said Frank, "not only are we not on the same page this morning, but I don't think we could ever be on the same page."
"Why are you talking about paper? Look, I'm already on this. You don't need to do or say, approve or disapprove anything. I'm my own boss now. All you need to say to me is thank you and it would have been nice of you to offer me a cup of coffee but, hey, I'll manage."
Bash stood up and asked, "When's payday— first and fifteenth?"
"We do not have the budget to pay a security guard. There is no payday"
Bash scratched his back. "You don't, huh? Okay, look, you don't even have to pay me. I'll give you free security to build up the reputation of my service."
"Is this a trained security dog? What are your qualifications? Never mind, none of that matters. Leave. If we see you acting as a security guard on the premises, we will call the police. You have been warned, now, please go."
*** Please vote, follow me, and add "Snack Food Hero" to your reading list! ***
