Bash Mendez must save his favorite snack food from getting ruined by being turned into a gluten-free, sugarless, tasteless, and ultimately useless food by the nation's most zealous health nuts.
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When Bash Mendez realizes...
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By 8:00pm it was dark and in one hand Bash held a long black utility flashlight like cops use. It was heavy and he intended to use it as a weapon if he encountered any tomfoolery. A light breeze swept over him and he felt confident in his uniform. In his other hand, he held Buddha's leash and she was sniffing the ground, bushes, and cars.
"Good girl," said Bash. "You never know where you'll find a clue. Sniff 'em out."
A car door shut and a lady walked onto the sidewalk toward them. Bash walked onto the grass and guided Buddha away from the woman's path. He and the lady exchanged glances and smiles as she passed.
The patch of grass they stood on bumped into an apartment of which the door opened and there appeared an elderly man.
Bash looked at the elderly man and said, "Evening".
"Get that dog off my grass." The man talked in a raspy voice.
"It's everyone's grass, Sir."
"This is my apartment and that's my grass, now don't make me call the manager." the man said.
Buddha suddenly squatted and urinated on the grass.
"I'm the security guard."
The man looked Bash up and down, then disappeared into the apartment and slammed the door.
Bash and Buddha moved on to find some real crime. Bash told Buddha, "He's lucky I didn't tell you to sick'em."
Bash smelled a grill cooking and stopped in his tracks. He scanned the air with his eyes and nose until he saw a small stream of smoke coming from an apartment building.
When they walked up to the patio where they found pork chops on an unattended grill, Bash was glad to see it belonged to his friend Lance because it meant he was far more likely to be offered a pork chop.
Lance walked onto the patio and immediately smiled. "Bash! What you been up to, Buddy?"
"Whipping some law and order into this place," said Bash.
Lance looked at him, trying to figure out if Bash was serious. "You some kind of cop now?"
"Security guard," said Bash. He climbed over the fence and onto the patio, then looked around the patio for anything 'illegal' according to the apartment rules. "That a flamer?"
"What?"
"Your grill, does it throw flames?"
Lance laughed. "It's just electric, don't freak out."
"Hey, you wanna help me?" Asked Bash as he pulled walkie talkies out of his pocket and put one into Lance's hand. "We can talk on these and you can help be my lookout."
"Lookout for what?"
"I keep smelling Creamys," said Bash.
"Me too! What's that about?" Lance turned on the small toy and held down the little round red Morse Code button that blared, "ERRRRRRRR!"
"Stop!" Bash slapped Lance's hand and looked around the complex. To Bash's surprise, the apartment manager was walking down the sidewalk.
Without another word, Bash pushed Buddha into Lance's apartment and leapt over the fence and into thorny bushes. Just then, the manager approached the patio.
Bash grit his teeth to keep from crying out in pain from the thorns poking him all over.
"Nice evening," Bash heard the manager say to Lance. "Have you seen anyone dressed like a security guard?" Bash watched and listened from the bushes. He could see the manager's face through a small hole in the leaves.
Meanwhile on the porch, the walkie talkie in Lance's hand spoke in Bash's voice: "No!"
"No," said Lance.
The manager gave Lance a suspicious look.
"That was my wife," said Lance.
"I got a phone call about someone around here saying they're a security guard. We don't have one of those. If you see anything, let me know."
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