Bash Mendez must save his favorite snack food from getting ruined by being turned into a gluten-free, sugarless, tasteless, and ultimately useless food by the nation's most zealous health nuts.
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When Bash Mendez realizes...
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"I'm going out," Bash told Rainbow.
She rinsed dishes and looked at him in his uniform. "Have you washed those clothes?"
"Tonight, I'll throw them in the wash when I get back from foot patrol."
He buttoned his shirt. "Buddha! Let's head out!"
#
Walking down the sidewalk, Bash pulled a business card out of his pocket. He had 250 of these cards made, but they were anything but regular business cards. For one, there was no identifying information on them. There was no name, no business, and no phone numbers. The white rectangular card had a car perfectly parked between two lines. Above the car, it said, "BAD PARKING". Below the car, it said, "This is how to park."
He proudly walked up to a car that was parked crooked and placed the card under its windshield wiper.
Bash chuckled and walked on. "They're not going to like that," he told Buddha. "But I've got a job to do." He whistled and admired the beautiful fall colors on all the trees along Corrales Road.
Within minutes the self-proclaimed security team (Bash and Buddha) walked upon a Jeep parked way too close to one side of its parking space. He lifted the wiper and pulled another card from his pocket. Just before he could put the card in place, someone yelled, "Hey, don't touch my car!"
Startled, Bash let the wiper drop and snap back into place on the windshield with a loud "smack".
"Did you crack my windshield?" A lean, built man walked right up to Bash and inspected the wiper and windshield. Bash stayed quiet and slowly backed away, toward the path of a slow oncoming car that honked its horn by holding it down for at least three seconds.
"Aaaah!" Bash jumped out of the car's way. Then he walked around the badly parked car and set one of his "bad parking" cards on the car's hood.
Bash kept walking and told the guy, "I'm sorry but you really need this. Put it beside the speedometer!"
Then, like an angel with no sense of style, Duncan Kelly walked into Bash's path. Buddha begged Duncan to pet her, and Duncan obliged.
"Duncan!" said Bash. "I'm so glad to see you!"
"Really?"
"Yea, yea, come on, let's walk."
"Okay," said Duncan. "Hey, Lance told me you guys have walkie talkies and you're on some kind of mission."
Bash stopped and faced Duncan. "Duncan ... take a big whiff."
Duncan immediately started walking again and said, "Ohhh no, I'm not falling for that one again."
Bash laughed and caught up to him and said, "No, really. It's not a trick."
"Better not be." Duncan took in a deep breath of air. Then he opened his eyes and smiled.
"You smell that?" Asked Bash.
"Yea ... what is it?"
"Creamys!"
"Bash, hey man, they stopped selling those. They're like $50 a box on eBay right now."
"Somebody's making Creamys around here and I'm going to find out who, and then, somehow, get my hands on more of my favorite snack. That's my mission."
Duncan's jaw dropped, then he yelled, "I'M IN!"
Bash suddenly saw the manager, Frank Nelson, walking right toward him. Frank looked angry and held a clipboard and reminded Bash of an evil gym coach he used to know. Bash's face felt numb and Frank looked further away the closer he got.
Frank approached Duncan with an outstretched hand and they shook. Then Frank looked at Bash and did not offer his hand to shake.
"Hi, Bash," said Frank. Frank wore the most forced smile Bash had ever seen. Bash thought Frank looked like he'd had too much Botox around his mouth and couldn't close his lips. His white teeth gritted audibly. "Whatchya wearing?"
Bash looked down at his uniform. "Oh, this?"
"Security guard, huh ... Lewis?"
Bash said, "My names—"
"Your uniform says 'Lewis'," said Frank. "Are you acting as a security guard for the apartment complex?"
"No, I'm ..." Bash trailed off and held his head in his hands and began to sob. "I can't afford new clothes. I've been wearing this every day because I'm broke!"
Frank lifted Bash's chin to reveal that Bash was faking his sobs. Frank walked away while giving Bash the "I'm watching you" hand-to-eye signal from the movie, "Meet the Fockers".
