Bash Mendez must save his favorite snack food from getting ruined by being turned into a gluten-free, sugarless, tasteless, and ultimately useless food by the nation's most zealous health nuts.
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When Bash Mendez realizes...
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Rainbow filled Bash's bowl with a ladle of steaming hot soup.
"Vegetable soup again?" Bash asked. "Can't we put some chicken in it?"
"Give me money for chicken," she said. "We don't have chicken and I don't have any money. My paycheck from the dry cleaners will only stretch so far."
Bash alternated between blowing on his soup and sipping it loudly. He wore blue pajama pants and house shoes with no socks. Bash took a big warm mouthful of soup and watched snow fall outside.
"I got new gear," he said. Talking with his mouth full, Bash picked up a black backpack to show Rainbow. "Nice bag, huh? And look at this." He pulled a walkie talkie out and held it out for her to take.
Rainbow didn't take it and just looked at it. "How old are you, five?"
"I need you on my team," he said.
"You need me, do you?"
"If I get in serious trouble, at least you'll know what's going on. Plus, when I'm done with my shift, you'll know it's time to warm up dinner."
"Yea," she said, "Or you'll know that you better go pick up some McDonald's if you want to eat." She giggled.
They both were startled when there was a knock on the door. Rainbow started to walk to the door but Bash whispered, "No, stay here. I'll check it out."
Bash moved silently across the living room and looked through the peephole. He saw Frank, the manager, standing there looking directly at the hole like he knew Bash could see him. Frank held up a "Bad Parking" card like it was critical evidence in a murder trial.
Bash turned to walk away from the door and tripped on the carpet and slammed into the ground with a loud thud.
"Bash!" Rainbow said.
"This is Frank! I know about your "Bad Parking" cards, Bash! I called the cops and they're looking for you!"
Bash kept laying on the floor and looking at the ceiling.
Finally, they heard Frank's footsteps go down the stairs.
"That's why I'm not helping you," said Rainbow.
"What, Frank? He's harmless. Those are empty threats, he didn't call the police."
"Uh, he probably did."
"If I get shot by some lunatic who doesn't know how to park his car, don't you want to be able to call 911?"
"I don't want to be an accessory to your crimes."
"Crimes?" exclaimed Bash. "Baby ... I am the law! I'm the security guard!"
"No ... you're not a security guard! But you need to be something, even if it's a security guard, that pays you money."
"It's almost over."
"Why should I believe that?"
"It's just a matter of time before I find out where they're making Creamys. I can smell them so strong now. Plus, I've got two sidekicks, Lance and Duncan."
"You asked them to be on your team before asking me? Maybe Lance and Duncan can cook you something other than soup."
"Lance cooked me a pork chop the other night."
Rainbow sat on the floor beside Bash and leaned in close to his face. "Next Monday you're going to start looking for a job." Before he could reply, she pressed her lips to his. He tried to talk back but she kept their lips pressed tight.
When she finally let up, Bash was dazed by her love. She said, "So you better get to work, Mr. Security Man, and find what you're looking for."
