Love You Goodbye (h.s. au)

07

Over the next two weeks I had taken shelter in my room, doing everything I could to avoid the outside world. I felt like shit, to put it simply. Easy. Cheap. My self esteem was probably the lowest it's ever been, right down next to the time I had slept with my ex boyfriend and after the second time, still had yet to orgasm. The feeling that coursed through me now was the very same one I felt as I had lied there on the bed, unmoving and unresponsive to the sound of my ex climaxing above me. Pathetic and useless. Even more so when he had gotten up, put his clothes back on and left with a lame excuse about homework. You would have thought I would of learned by now, right? Apparently not. Because here I was, months later with the same exact self hate for allowing myself to sleep with another guy who only viewed me as a source of pleasure.

Not that I had seen much of that very boy, anyways. I had become an expert in avoiding Harry, by locking myself away in my room instead of going out with Zendaya. Part of me knew I couldn't hide forever but I wasn't going to risk it when I knew Harry would be around the few times Zen had asked me to go out with them. I was quickly learning that when she said "the group" it didn't just entail our small group of girls but also included her guy friends as well. Though avoiding him outside of school seemed easy, it was much harder to do when we had a class together.

The boy was relentless. Knowing I wanted nothing to do with him, he would always choose to sit on the stool that was right next to me when we had a class full of other empty seats. I was convinced he was doing it on purpose to piss me off and I'm ninety-nine percent sure my suspicions were correct every time I caught him smirking. Or when he'd constantly poke me to grasp my attention. He was an annoying pess and my patience was wearing thinner and thinner each class session we had.

That's why as of right now, I walk to my art class in a somber mood and heavy steps. My feet were dragging tiredly and the rolled paper in my hand for my project lightly thumped against my pant leg. I didn't want to go. But I had to. Our project was due the next class we had and we were required to show what we had created so far in order to get half the credit. It didn't matter whether I wanted to see Harry or not, this class was important to me so as much as I wanted to ditch I had to suck it the hell up.

Pausing outside the door I took a deep breath, tucking a strand of my hair before I reluctantly walked through the open doorway. My lips were pursed as my eyes fell on to my usual seat, nostrils briefly flaring when I saw Harry already planted on the stool right next to it. Despite my expectance of him sitting there, it doesn't ease my irritation in the slightest. My fingers curls around my rolled up project in anger but I quickly loosen my hold to avoid ruining it, opting for breathing in through my nose to calm myself down. Then breathed back out.

Making my way down one of the aisles, I changed my mind at the last minute and turned direction. I avoided the gaze I knew he set on me as I walked to a chair in the back but on the far opposite side of where he sat. Maybe it was childish, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with his pokes and his poor attempt at talking to me. I had barely gotten any sleep the past few nights, the disgust I felt towards myself keeping my thoughts running into the late hours of the night until early morning. I had no energy to pretend he wasn't annoying me and just wanted to sit today in peace.

Plopping down into the empty stool, I let my bag slip off my shoulder and fall to the ground. I placed my rolled up project in the cup holder of the easel, threading my fingers through my messy hair once as I looked at the front of the class. It was slowly filling with students but my attention was quickly pulled away when I heard the loud drag of the stool moving beside me. My jaw clenched.