Fangirl : There is Always Hope {A for KING & COUNTRY fanfiction}

Chapter 3

DECEMBER.
I sat down and let out a sigh. I was remembering the concert. That hollow feeling afterwards. Emptiness.
I just ignored it. Surely it was just the greedy part of me, hungry for more stuff. It's not like it's getting anything else.
I stared back at my cat, who was staring at me with his head slightly tilted. Did he sense my sorrow? No. He's just a cat. Not a dog.
Or maybe it was so obvious that even he notices?
I heard the door open. "I'm home." My dad shouts.
This may be weird but I don't actually... Talk to my dad. Heck, I don't even know where he works. I don't even know his age.
I don't think we are even supposed to be related. He's so... him. I don't even know how to describe him. I actually have forgotten what he looks like.
But I don't forget his voice.
That's because every night in the middle of the night, I hear him and mom fighting. About anything. About everything.
Tonight, I heard them fighting. About me. About giving me away. About how much of a troublemaker I was. About my grades. About everything bad about me. All of my flaws were in one conversation. Spoken by my own parents. That was just it. I had enough.
I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a huge and sharp knife, which was nothing like the butter knife I'd attempted to use when I was eight, leaving a scar across my chest where my heart is. I locked myself in my bedroom. I held the knife right above my heart. In less than three seconds my pain would be over.
Then, my eyes caught my "Priceless" wristband.
I dropped the knife and huffed as I sat down on my bed. If I was so strong, why couldn't I do something as simple as that? Is it because I'm weak? Or is it because I am wise?
Weak.
Definitely weak.
I am a weakling.
Why can't I just do this? Nothing's there to stop me. There is no reason to live anymore. So what stopped me? Nobody was even here.
Then, for some reason, my eyes wondered to the sky.
No way.
I'd always thought that I was just made so God had someone to mess with. So he could bring me up just to break me down again.
Because if that's true, he's done a good job.
I listened to my parents fighting. I felt tears in my eyes.
This time I let it flow.
"I don't understand!" I yelled at the sky "I spread Your gospel and got laughed at for You! I listened to Your music and was left out for You! I did Your bidding and got beat up for You! Is that where it ends? Will my life keep getting worse no matter how much of a servant I am? Will I see no glory no matter how faithful I am? I'm still faithful because I hope it'll get better! Why hasn't it? I should just quit!"
I have always been strong and able to keep my tears in. But this time, I had to let them go. I couldn't handle it anymore. It seems like I've tried giving my weight to God, but it also seems as if he shook his head and denied it. Even the strongest become weak in times of sorrow.
And great was this sorrow.

Aw... It's not fun to be sad, Celeste. It'll get better soon.