Half Cowboy, Half City Girl

I Want Our Baby to be Healthy!

Maya

"Is it finally time?" My adorable husband jumps up from the couch in excitement and jumps around making everyone laugh, "Finally time to decorate the tree?!"

Zay places the big box of Christmas ornaments down in front of the tree, lifting off the lid as he says, "Oh hell yeah!"

While the boys pounce at the chance to finally get this tree covered in decorations, Riley and I sit back on the couch together.

"So guess what?" Riley smiles her bright smile at me

It instantly brings a smile to my face. "Just tell me."

Riley giggles. "Shawn brought Mason up here for the holidays too."

And that makes my smile grow even bigger. "Oh, really? Aw, I'm so happy. I missed him so much."

"I know, me too," Riley nods in agreement, "He's so cute and adorable. You're the best big sister to him ever."

"Not true one little bit," I sigh, "I'm the worst sister. He's a four-year-old little angel who doesn't even know he has had a mom and on top of all that, I barely talk to him."

"Maya, you're a twenty-year-old women who's starting her own life and family. You can't expect yourself to be your little brothers best friend, even more so when your little brother lives so far from you."

I should probably tell you what's going on so here ya go.

A year before my mother decided to kill herself, Shawn and her had baby, named him Mason. He was born with some rare heart condition and had to be sent to some hospital in some other state.

And I guess that's another reason for my mother to kill herself. Huh.

Shawn stayed by Mason's side as best he can and I tried too but every time I looked at my little brother I was reminded of my mom and I couldn't take it so I just cut him out of my life.

I've seen him only the few times Shawn is allowed to take him out of the hospital and bring him home for a little bit.

I really wish I would've stayed in his life but I'm just thankful that he's still alive because I learned lots of babies born with his heart condition don't make it more than a week.

Anyway, I respond to Riley with, "But what about two years ago, I wasn't married or even living with Lucas so I'm a terrible sister because I was a selfish asshole."

"Well, I think you're amazing and I love you." Riley says with a serious frown on her face

"I love you too." The exact same expression is on my face as well

Suddenly there's knock on the door and a few moments after one of us yelling, "Come in!", in walks Shawn holding Mason on his hip and the Matthews too.

"Maya!" Mason's voice is the first thing I hear and I don't why it breaks my heart

"Hey Mason," I say as Riley and I stand up, "Uh............what's up, buddy?"

"I miss you, Maya!" Mason instantly runs over to me once he's placed down on the ground, hugging my legs

I've never been overly good with little kids so I just smile down at him.

"Where's my presents?!" Auggie exclaims, looking all around

"Christmas isn't all about presents, Augs." Riley tells him while making sure to give her parents a big hug

"Yes, it is!" Zay agrees with Auggie, "The more presents the better the Christmas."

"Zay, you're supposed to be teaching the kids that Christmas is all about giving and not receiving." Farkle fires right back at Zay

"And you say you won't be a good father." Zay shakes his head

Mr. Matthews eyes widen instantly as he gasps, "You're pregnant, Riley?"

Before Riley can respond, Mrs. Matthews adds on to that, "I'm gonna be a grandma twice?!"

"Relax," Farkle walks over and wraps his arm around Riley's waist, "She is not pregnant."

Riley smiles at her husband. "Yet."

"Why is your tummy all fat?" Mason questions me as he stops hugging me and places his tiny little hands on my stomach

"There's a baby in there." Lucas is suddenly standing next to me with the biggest smile on his face

"You ate a baby!" Mason begins to laugh really hard as he points at me making everyone smile

Except for Auggie. "Little kids are so stupid."

•••

"He's just a little cutie pie, Maya," Lucas whispers to me, "What's wrong?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I feel so bad."

We're upstairs in our bedroom while everyone else in downstairs eating Christmas cookies and watching some movie.

Something about Mason and having him around is just making me really upset and I don't know what it is and why it's happening but I feel like a fucking asshole.

But it's too hard. "I wish I would've been a better sister to him, I wish our fucking mother never killed herself so she could actually be there for my little brother!"

"Come here." I'm taken into his strong arms and hugged tightly. Soft cries and a few tears are released from me into his chest.

"The poor boy is slowly dying too," I cry harder, "He's gotta go back to the hospital tomorrow and spend Christmas having surgery."

"Shhhhhhh, shhhhhhh," Lucas rubs my back slowly, "I know and I'm sad too, baby. No kid should ever have to deal with that shit."

And then my thoughts go to probably the worst and most scariest thing I've ever thought and that's saying a lot coming from me.

What if Austin has to go through something like this? What if my baby isn't healthy?

I instantly cry harder than even before in Lucas's chest, alarming him. "Hey, hey, hey, you were just calming down. What's going on, baby?"

"Austin, my baby," I nuzzle further into Lucas's chest, "What if he isn't healthy?"

"Your mom knew that Mason was gonna have this condition from the first visit to her doctor," Lucas explains, "Doctor Parker said that Austin is growing very healthy."

"But what if she's lying? I want our baby to be healthy." I cry, tears staining my husbands shirt

Lucas says nothing because there's really nothing to do than to let me cry so I just let it all out, crying hard into Lucas's chest.

He holds me and says nothing, just kissing my head and rubbing my back, telling me it's ok and sweet things like that.

"Come on, beautiful," Lucas whispers after a few minutes, "Let's go back downstairs and spend time with everyone, it's ok."

It was so hard being near Mason for many reasons which just makes me feel extremely bad so it really wasn't all that good of a day for me.