That's your family

Suspicion

A few days after I moved back in with Juice I felt guilty about leaving my mother. Another break in happened in town and it killed Roosevelt's wife. I made sure to cook him a meal and give him my condolences. Tara had talked to me about Gemma and how this has probably shaken up her nerves. Gemma might of felt better if I didn't move out. I moved out of Juice and I's bedroom. I know tho that he wouldn't want me moving in with my mother, even if it was for her and not me. Maybe I could just spend the night at her place. So many thoughts like this constantly sped in my head while I was at work. We got a new technician and I spent a large portion of the day training her. When I got off work late that night I knocked on my mothers door, but it seems she wasn't home so I gave up. Sitting in the car, I knew that Juan had JJ. I didn't want to go back, JJ was safe. I needed a drink, not wanting to go to the club house I went out to a bar. I had fun there, I played pool, I met a fun group of friends  about my age, they bought me drink, we all smoke a few joints. Knowing that I had work in the morning I did head back "early" and by that midnight. I tried to quietly sneak in around 1 am, but when I opened the door Juan stood up from the couch. He just stared at me. I went over to the kitchen and took an Advil and a bottle of water before he walked up grilling me. I told him, if he gets to have fun, than so do I. He then tried to do a quiet yell, all about how I needed to act like an old lady and what not. I was tired, and drunk, and honest, "C'mon Juan, we all know what is going on. We are only together for JJ, who knows maybe one day we will get drunk and make another baby. Who cares what the other does tho." It looked like what I said really hurt him as he turned around and walked off, leaving me to pass out on the couch. 

I tried to ignore what happened last night. Did everything in my normal routine. Jax called me to tell/yell at me about our mother. Told me to calm her down, get her to be a little less reckless. She got her SUV stolen last night. Just another stressful for my family. God why don't they at least pretend to be normal. I guess Juice got his "fun" night because he left after dinner without his cut. I ran to the store and picked up a bottle of vodka. After putting JJ to bed I took out a cup and drank the vodka over ice. The sweet flavoring was like candy to my lips, followed by a calming burn. I don't remember falling asleep, just waking up to JJs cries.I had him on my hip, noticing that Juan still wasn't home. When Juan did come home it was to tell me that Gemma was in a crash with Abel and Thomas. I packed up JJ and sat outside with the boys. Chibs told me about some guy running Jax and him off the rode. When Gemma woke up I handed Juan JJ and walked in with Jax. This was the first time in a long that my step-dad, brother, mother and I were in a room. Jax yelled if she was drunk, but Clay said she was run off. I pulled up a seat by my mother, and Clay came in telling me that JJ needed me. I walked out and Juan handed me back my son before giving us both a hug. Roosevelt called him, taking him away from the group. When Juice did come back he looked a little panicked, he kissed my forehead and told me to stay with Tig and my mother. Chucky helped with flowers and Nero came in, asking us to leave. 

I went to see Tara, I sat down by Abel's bed. I held her hand and told her if she needed anything I would help, even of she needed me to take care of Thomas for a while. She  told me she needed to see Gemma, so I played the boys before Gemma came to Abel's room. I was surprised that they let her out, but still so glad. Tara was going over Abel's paperwork and Jax came in. Everyone left, but he told me to stay. Told Gemma to confess, which she did. Right before Tara hit her and yelled, causing Thomas to cry. My mother looked at me with sad eyes, eyes that I couldn't defend. If anything happened to JJ...god I literally can't imagine. I left, I had JJ in his car seat with the window down as I smoked a cigarette, just far away enough were he wouldn't gt smoke on him. Couldn't even trust my mom. Can't trust my old man. I was exhausted when I got back home. I placed JJ in bed and then grabbed myself a beer. I took up my layers until I saw left in my black boy short, took off my bra, and walked around in my white tank. I got a call from Jax, talking about the nomads, he thinks that Clay was telling them orders. Told me to trust him and Tara, the only people I could trust. Just thinking about this situation gave me a headache. So I went to the kitchen to grab another beer. I looked in the medicine mirror and decided to take a few bars. I pulled out a book I haven't read in a while and plugged in some of my music while I was on my stomach. That night was one of the best sleeps I ever got... at least until I woke up to Juice sitting by the couch, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear. 

I didn't say anything just looked at him looking at me. His hand went from my hair to my cheek. I herd his voice break when he told me "I love you" and I began to tear up. I took his hand off my face, and tried to sit up, but he kept his hand in mine. My voice began to crack too, "Juicy please" with my hand still in his he said, "Please, at least come to bed. It has been a week Tammy" His kissed my hand, "I need you. All of this, watching Clay, has been for you babe" He brought his face in close to mine

The next day was normal till the end. I herd Juice's bike come in, but when I looked out the window there was a cop car waiting for him. I watched him get in the cop car and decided to call Tara to see if she could watch my son since we are kinda sticking together till Gemma cleans up her act. I tried to quickly explain that I don't know anything and kissed her cheek on my way to the clubhouse to ask people. I saw that the lights were on in the clubhouse, specifically in church. I could hear my mothers voice calling out to me, but I called out that I didn't have time and strutted up to the clubhouse. I could see that the church doors were closed, I know the rules but I couldn't help myself. I knocked on the doors but I only received silence. I called out, "Please Jax are you in there something just happened. Jax!" He opened the door with a slum look on his face and opened the doors wide enough for me to come in. I saw Chibs and Bobby sitting at the table when I told Jax, "Juice was picked up. Jax please is there something I need to know?" Jax hugged me close and combed his fingers in my hair, "Shhh Tammy. It's nothing I promised. Where is JJ?" I had to wipe away a tear struggling to escape my eye, "Tara has him" He kept calm and explained even longer, "Its fine, Its fine. How about you take the night off, maybe stay with Chibs and Bobby for a bit. Tara and I can watch JJ and we will figure it out in the morning".  By this time Chibs stood up and gave me a beer, "yeah lass we will figure all this out have a drink. Help me lock up like old days" I nodded and chugged about half the beer before watching Jax leave, thanking him for JJ. 

A few joints and whiskeys later I was feeling more relaxed. My real father may have died when I was younger but I gained several father-like figures. They tucked me into bed and I passed out, only waking to Juice shaking me up, asking where JJ was. My head was hurting but I pulled him on top of me out of joy. I told him Jax and Tara had JJ and he offered to pick him up and get him ready for day care. Not too long after he left Tig came in with my favorite breakfast food. Not going to lie, this was a little suspicious. I mean yeah Juice being picked up freaked me out, but the boys were acting way too sweet.