Secrets // Ethan Dolan

24. Why me?

SURPRISE!!! i'm still alive and I present to you: a new chapter.

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Chapter 24, Why me?

"Another one." I said pointing to the empty glass in front of me.

"Don't you think you've had enough of those?" The bartender rested his arms on the counter and looked at me accusingly.

"No."

"Are you even old enough to be drinking?"

"Yes. Yes I am. Another one, please." I gave him a faint smile as he grabbed the bottle of vodka and filled up my glass again. With one gulp, the vodka disappeared.

"Another one." How did I even end up here? I could have gone anywhere, go to Hannah or Basma or even Grayson. But no, I'm here getting drunk, 'cause I can't handle everything that is going on in this stupid fucking life of mine. I never wanted to move, I wanted to stay in Los Angeles. I wanted to graduate from school together with Marcus and go to college together. I wanted to find someone to grow old with, but instead I ended up with Oliver. The boy I gave my heart to, the boy who crushed it without a flinch. He made my life horrible, why did he make my life horrible? What did I do wrong to deserve something like this? You and me, no one else. Only you and me. The thoughts came back. It took my mum and psychiatrists so long to make the thoughts disappear. And now they're back, along with the nightmares. You can't leave me, Katie. You're mine forever. The thoughts had to stop.

I stood up -too fast I might add- smashed some money on the counter and walked outside. The cold winter breeze surrounded me as I stepped outside. I cursed at myself, wishing I had put on a jacket before I foolishly ran out of the house. Are they looking for me? I wondered as I started walking without having a destination in mind. Everything that I did, happened in slow motion. My mind was foggy and I couldn't even feel the cold I had felt before. To say it lightly, I was buzzed.

I didn't even know where I was until I lied down in the grass and looked up to the stars. Ethans quiet place. Everything around me was moving, but I was completely still. It was like time stopped for a moment whilst everything else kept happening. I was focusing on one star, it wasn't shining very bright, the stars next to it were a lot brighter, but that was the star that stopped my time for a little while.
Oliver was that star a year ago. He wasn't always shining the brightest, with his tattoo's and foolery, but he stood out to me. He made my time stop while everything around us was moving too fast. With him, I was who I wanted to be. We did crazy things, but we were in love. Oh my god, we were so in love. But like all good things, this had to end. My star turned into a comet, ready to destroy the earth. Or in this story, ready to destroy me.

I was still staring at my special star when a voice interrupted me. "Katie? What are you doing here out in the cold?" Ethan's head popped up above me, with a weird look on his face. He was dressed in joggers and a thick sweater.

"Looking at the stars." My voice sounded hurt and vexed. I could lay here forever, I thought as I looked into Ethan's eyes, Look at my star forever.

"Can I join you?" He asked. I didn't say anything, I just kept looking at my special star. After a few seconds, I felt Ethan's body next to mine. "Can you tell me why you're in a park alone on your birthday at one in the morning, drunk?"

"I'm not drunk," I muttered under my breath. "I had few vodkas, nothing special."

"You're in the phase of denial right now." Ethan said.

"Who cares if I am." I answered back and turned my head to him. I was astonished, to say the least. Even though it was dark and I surely was drunk, I could see his face perfectly. His jawline looked as sharp as ever and he had a little scruff on his cheeks. His eyes landed on something in the sky and I couldn't help but think that I wanted him to look at me. With the buzz of the vodka and the light of the stars and the moon that lit up his face in the best kind of way, I thought about kissing him for a second. Just for a second.