Secrets // Ethan Dolan

19. Thinking

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Chapter 19, Thinking

Ethan's p.o.v.

She called me a dickbag. And she meant it. Which, let's be honest, hurts. When someone you like says something hurtful, it hurts. I'm hurt. How could I change myself so she would like me? How could I turn into the guy that she wants? What kind of guy does she want? Does she even think I look good? All these questions kept popping up in my head. I couldn't get her off my mind. Nothing really helped to get her off it either. Playing ball with Grayson, going out with my friends, watching a movie. Everything reminded me of her.

Is this what liking someone did to you? The night I first saw her, jogging by our house in the middle of the night. She smiled that adorable smile of hers, but as stupid as I was, I didn't smile back. That was probably the start of everything. She looked so pretty and she wasn't even wearing make-up. Her body had curves in all the right places and when my eyes met with hers, I knew I was hooked. There was something special about her and I just couldn't exactly pinpoint what. Then there was the time in that bar where I got so jealous just by seeing her with another guy 'till I couldn't see straight. Now when I walk in there, all I can think about is wanting to be there with her in a much more romantic scenario. How I want to dance with her in the middle of the dance floor. Tuning everybody out and forgetting everything and everyone around us. How she smiles that same adorable smile but this time, it's filled with love and admiration for me. How she gets closer and closer and we finally kiss, her plump, soft lips on mine. I imagine that she tastes like every delicious meal I have ever tasted. The worst is when I'm watching a movie, my thoughts completely drift away. If there is a romantic scene, all I want is us being the people on the screen. Full of love, full of admiration. I want to take her out on a date to a fancy restaurant and the next day, take her to an abandoned building to explore. I think Katie really likes that, exploring things. Exploring me maybe? And freaking out would be another thing.
Where the hell do all these sappy thoughts come from? She completely took over my mind in the most embarrassing way and I didn't even give her permission to do so. I didn't give her the permission to make me fall in love with her.

I felt like I was going slightly insane. I had to ask Grayson about her. "Grayson," I yelled through the whole house, "I need to ask you something." He came barging in, a towel hanging around his waist, almost falling down. I looked away in mocking disgust. "Dude, please get dressed first. I don't need to see little Grayson, again."

Grayson grinned and turned around. "Like you don't want to." He screamed.

"Ew, incest!" I screamed after him when he walked out of my room. I sat there waiting 'till he came back within a minute, fully dressed.

"You're as fast as The Flash." I said. Grayson winked and let himself fall into my beanbag, which was standing in the right corner, making himself comfortable. He turned around to look at me.

"What did you need to ask me?" His voice was loud but questioning. I got scared to actually ask him. What if he likes Katie too and he doesn't want to tell me? I don't want to hurt him? What if he's scared to hurt my feelings too? I didn't forget his face the last time we talked.. This was a touchy subject and talking about it wasn't the finest thing to do.

I swallowed whilst gathering up some courage to ask him. "How can I get Katie to like me?" A loud laugh filled the room. A bit baffled I asked "What's so funny about it?"

Grayson narrowed his eyes "I thought you hated Katie?" He said, "Let me specifically quote: "Dude, I hate the girl"

"I don't talk like that."

"You do."

"I don't. And I actually don't hate her." Grayson's eyebrows shot up, his expression changing. "I really need your help here, Grayson." I started rambling," I know that you and Katie are friends. Just tell me how I can get closer to her, please." I gave him the best puppy eyes I could master. Grayson could never resist the puppy dog eyes.

"Stop that, you know I can't stand those god damn eyes." He smiled weary. The smile faded away soon though. "I can't help you."

Gray stood up and turned around. "Why not?" I asked.

"Ask that Hannah girl. She and Katie are pretty good friends." With that said, he left the room.

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