Secrets // Ethan Dolan

35. A Happy Future

Chapter 35,

The police had come and gone. They had read Oliver's file and knew what had happened in the past, but I could hear in their voice that they weren't as concerned as they should be. I don't think they understood how dangerous Oliver could be, especially after everything that had happened. He had gone to jail, I had left him and travelled across the country. If there was anything that I always should've remembered is that nowhere I go is safe from Oliver. He always told me that wherever I went, he would find me. He would catch up to me eventually and drag me back with him. I could never escape.

It's hard to believe that there was I time I didn't want to escape. There was a time in which I did everything in my power to be as close to him as possible. I skipped classes sometimes, just because I couldn't stand not seeing him for a couple of hours. I moved out of my house at an ungodly age just to be with him for as much as possible. I wanted to stay with him, cherish him, love him. And he wanted to do the same for me. For a while.

I don't know where it all went wrong, what made him lose himself. I could never figure out if it was something that I did that justified him hurting me. I don't think I will ever figure it out. My mom has tried her hardest to make sure that I know it isn't my fault; but I can't be entirely convinced. In some sick and twisted way, I still feel accountable for how he acts to this day.

Ethan's soft breathing reaches my ear and I turn my head to look at him. His eyes are shut and the crease that had been resting between his eyebrows all day has finally disappeared. He grunts sleepily and turns to face me completely, draping one of his arms around my waist. It's cute.

He had persisted on staying over. Grayson had gone home after he had given his statement to the police, but Ethan wanted to stay by my side. He was afraid that Oliver would try to break in, kidnap me or something. I know that Oliver wasn't planning on doing that anytime soon, though. Knowing Oliver, he'll play some games. He wants to get me all riled up and stressed out. He wants to make everyone around me anxious. He wants to make everyone suffer for taking me away from him.

I'll have to face him someday, though. This can't go on like this. I want to be able to live my life and enjoy it to the fullest. Because of Oliver, I can't. I'm afraid to go out for drinks with Hannah or have a sleepover with Marcus. Shopping on my own is a no-go and if my moms arrives home late, I worry that something has happened to her.

I'm so afraid of what Oliver might do that I'm afraid to fall in love. I'm afraid to love Ethan because I can't imagine what might happen to him. He's the kindest boy I have ever met and it took a while to get him to open up, but he's so loving and caring and supporting. I would do anything to be able to love him to the fullest, but I can't do that as long as Oliver is lurking around the corner.

All these thoughts are consuming me and it's making it hard to fall asleep. I gently push Ethan's arm off of me and cascade down the stairs quietly, making sure that I don't wake anyone up. A soft glow is coming from the kitchen, signalling me that someone is in fact still awake. Knowing that Ethan is sleeping like a kitten, it has to be my mom.

She's sitting on one of the high chairs next to the kitchen island, stirring in a cup of tea. My mom worries a lot and I can't blame her. It must be so scary for her to know that the man who hurt her daughter was out there somewhere.

I sit down next to her, giving her a small reassuring smile, "Can't sleep?"

She shakes her head and drinks her tea, but doesn't say anything. She's a very emotional woman like me. She's afraid that if she says something, she's going to burst out into tears. It happens to me all the time. "It's okay to cry, mom. I'm scared too." Those words are all it takes to make her walls crumble. Her tears start to flow down her cheeks and it doesn't take long before I'm crying as well.

Oliver has been the cause to so many tears.

I envelop her in a tight hug. We haven't been hugging each other enough lately and we can both really use it. "I should be comforting you, not the other way around." Mom's voice is soft and calming, like it always is, even when she's crying. I used to get horrible nightmares when I was younger. Every time I woke up screaming and crying, my mom would sit beside me on my bed and whisper sweet nothings in my ear until I fell asleep again. She always had the most calming effect on me and even now, it still works.

"Try to get some sleep, mom." I pinch her hand before walking back upstairs. Ethan has taken in most of the bed, but I wiggle him to the side and climb back in. His arm finds its place around my waist again and I can't help but to feel safe. It's a stupid feeling, really, because I know I'm not. But lying right there and then in his arms, I know he'll do anything to make me happy and to keep me safe. He makes me feel like I actually have a chance at a happy future.

With that happy thought, I finally fall asleep.