This Is It • Meanie

36장

I slipped on a teardrop and landed in his arms. Seokmin never knew how much he needed Chan ever since he met him. He didn't know the latter would mean a big important part in his life.

Who am I? To laugh when they scream. He's still young yet the death already possessed him. The life all but left him as he finished writing the letter with tears streaming down his cheeks.

The loud cries came eventually when he was left with nothing to do. He felt like he was breathing without his heart, like it was ripped away from his chest.

A lonely heart deceased in frozen cold, no breath remains of ornament once gold. He was a sin surviving on earth, yet he still fell in love with someone pure and innocent. It was like polar; they are both very different, it's just that Chan doesn't know it.

He was confused and skin so bruised. Misused and tears seeping from his eyes, no one at all could know this endless pain.

He went to the bathroom with a drunken mind and searched for that familiar shiny metal. With satisfaction, he watch the crimson blood flow and finds peace in the cuts of pink.

Washing them away, he turned off the tap water with a sniffle and left the bloody razor in the sink. Proceeding on to finally closing the box, he wrapped it quickly but neatly as his veins pounded fast. He wish for the absent pulse.

Ripped jeans and dirty white shirt, he stepped out of his room with only the box and his phone in hand. Heading downstairs for the younger male's room, he made sure to keep notice of anyone surrounding him before moving.

The elevator shook and the lights flickered as if it was mocking him of his foolishness, making him lose the last bits of his sanity.

Stepping out with a deep breath, he quietly walked over to the room door with a sad smile and placed it on the mat carefully while squatting down. Getting up with a sigh, he gazed at the door number with hundreds of thoughts running through his mind before looking down to the box.

It had everything he wanted to say, and it was the best last thing he could give to the younger male before his last breath was taken away.

Rushing to the elevator to get to the rooftop after knocking on the door, he hoped that Chan's roommate didn't see him when the doors started closing on him.

Thankful that no one else wasn't inside the elevator with him, he leaned against the silver wall with his stomach and heart lurching in his weak body.

What he was about to do before the clock strikes midnight took days of thoughts to decide how would he face death again after a long time.

This would be his second time, but he hoped that this round he could really end his life. He had once laughed in the face of death, and he was going to do it again, hoping it would succeed this time.

I'm sorry.

-
Hi. I have actually decided on something temporary.

I'm sorry for this but I will be taking a hiatus.

Things happened and it got bad, it made me numb so I can't even cry anymore.

Let's just say that someone encouraged me to die.

And I will leave everything at that, yeah?

I'm really sorry if I sound like I'm trying to get sympathy but I'm not.

I just need help, someone to actually be with me psychically right now but I'm no one's priority.

I will publish one more chapter before I take the hiatus, I apologise once again.

I'm back to my harming state I guess :)

-Mimi