Blackbird

I Blew It

This is a story about how Kurt and Blaine broke up and Kurt wants to get him back.

(I know I can fix this between us. I have to)....

Kurt's point of view

It's been exactly six months since me, Rachel, Sam, Artie, Santana, Mercedes...and Blaine went our separate ways. Rachel decided to take time off from Broadway and tried to pursue tv. Unfortunately, the show was so bad, she got fired and she came back Ohio for a while. Sam got what he wanted by seeing himself on the front of a bus because of his male modeling job, and returned to Ohio as well. Artie is still in film school in New York, so things are going well for him. Santana was originally Rachel's publicist, and we all know how that ended for Rachel. Mercedes is doing well with her own singing career, especially since she sang that duet with Santana. And Blaine...well, Blaine and I broke up. We've broken up and got back together before, but I really feel like it's my fault this time. I remember the horrible memory like it was yesterday.

Flashback...

I was sitting down at a booth in a restaurant watching the rain fall outside waiting for Blaine. He was a running late, which he was doing rather frequently. Finally he arrived. "Hi!" He said rushing inside and grabbing my hand. "Sorry. I know I'm a little late but it's really coming down, and I had to stop to check on something you're never gonna guess. So it turns out we are completely confirmed on Labor Day for our wedding," He said happily. I, however, wasn't so happy. "Why am I always the first one to arrive?" I asked sincerely. "Um, did you not hear what I just said. We can get married on Labor Day!" He repeated. I put my hands up and shook my head in a 'I can't even' kind of way. "Kay, let's just order, I'm starving," I said, getting irritated now. Blaine looked at me. "I don't wanna fight about this, but I really feel like the whole wedding planning thing, it's all falling on me," He said and I looked up at him. Now he realized something was up with me. "What's the matter? Tell me are... are you having second thoughts?" He asked with a sad face. "Have you noticed how exhausting it's been ever since you moved back in? The other day we got into a three hour fight because I used a towel to wipe off my mouth while there was still toothpaste on my face," I said now fully irritated. "Well how is someone else supposed to use it when you leave it like that?" He asked, but I continued. "Living together is supposed to be a trial run, and I gotta tell you I think we are failing it," I said slamming my hands on the table. "Thank you for finally saying something truthful. Where's that guy been, huh? Where've you been? You've been completely aloof and totally remote and distant and it's like I don't even know you anymore. I feel like you're just silently judging me. What do you even want anymore? Do you even want this wedding? D-Do you even want to marry me?" He asked raising his voice. "Maybe I don't!" I yelled. The both of us sighed together. Blaine looked like he was about to cry. "What changed? Was it something that I did? Becau... because you know that I... I love you, I love you so much and I know that we can make this work." He said tears running down his face. I sighed and looked at him trying to stay strong and not cry myself.

"I love you too... but we're kids. Look, we had a great run, but let's just... let's just call it quits before we completely hate each other." I said.

Blaine looked broken. Not just sad, but broken. He started crying even more. I can't believe I was capable of ever making him feel this way. It was unbearable watching him break down in front of me. He straightened up and sighed. "I will never forgive you for this."

Flashback over

I came out of the flashback in tears. What had I done? I just lost the love of my life. In under five minutes, he's just gone. I don't think I've ever felt so guilty in my life. I went to go see Rachel. She seemed like the best person to come to at the time. She walked into her room to find me sitting on the bed. "Hi, Rach." I said fighting back the tears, but they all came out when Rachel pulled me into a hug. "Kurt,... I'm so sorry. She said. She told me Blaine had already filled her in on the breakup. "How is he?" I asked. "Well Blaine seems to be in a good place about it. "That's great! So that means I can still fix it. Is there anyway you can like tell him to meet up with me anytime so we can talk?" I asked hopefully. Rachel looked at me with sad eyes. "Kurt,... Blaine has a new boyfriend." She said with a hand on my shoulder. My heart fell to my stomach and my heart pounded faster than it ever has. I backed away from my friend and almost fell off her bed. "He...he... no." I said covering my ears. I didn't want to listen. I didn't want to believe what she was saying, but it was the truth and I had to take it. "Who?" I asked with my voice shaking. "Karofsky. Blaine is with Karofsky." She said sympathetically. It was at this time that I felt sick to my stomach. "K-Karofsky?" I asked in disbelief. Rachel nodded. I felt dizzy and sick. "Oh, God," I said still feeling nauseous. I got up and ran to the bathroom thinking I was really going to be sick. "Kurt? Kurt are you alright?" Rachel asked from the other side of the door. I was bent over the sink wanting to throw up when I looked in the mirror above the sink. When I saw my reflection, I just thought of Blaine. The way I hurt him, and the way I chased him out of my life. This wasn't the man he fell in love with staring back at me. 'You did this to him and to yourself,' I said to myself in my head. 'It's your fault Blaine is with Dave now. It's your fault! It's your fault!'

"It's my fault!" I screamed out loud. I collapsed in the far corner in a puddle of tears. I cried and cried on the floor and Rachel ran in. "It's m-my fault!" I sobbed. Rachel said nothing and put her hand on my back. I buried my head in my knees and arms. I tried to think of all the good times Blaine and I had together, but they only made me sadder. I remembered our duets, I remembered when he proposed to me, I remembered our first kiss. "Kurt, I'm so so sorry, and it kills me to see you like this," Rachel said rubbing my back. I looked up to glance at her, but covered my face again. She rubbed my back the same way Blaine did whenever I was having a bad day. "Kurt...," She said. "I did this... I destroyed our relationship and our friendship," I said. "Kurt you didn't-" Rachel tried to reassure me, but I cut her off. "Yes, I did. I blew it. I blew the best the best thing that ever happened to me."

Rachel looked at me in an understanding way and asked if I wanted to be alone. I nodded, so she gave me one last hug and it was just me and my thoughts. "Blaine, I'm sorry," I said under my breath. 'No. I have to get him back. He means to much to me to just give up without a fight,' I thought. Just then, I slowly got up and walked to the sink. I was still having trouble recognizing myself in the mirror. This is the man Blaine fell in love with, and wherever he is, or whoever he's with, I know in my heart he knows it too.

AN: Hey, dudes! I know its been a minute since I last uploaded. Sry! But it's here now, and part 2 coming out real soon!