kay okay okay idekanymore97 tagged me in the fifteen facts thing so onwards with such a bombardment of facts
1] I am exceedingly horrible at keeping in contact with people. This is semi-okay with people I know in the physical realm since I see them outside of texting and can catch up then, but with internet friends it's !really bad! For actual texting I just don't know how to continue a conversation, and I never want to be the one who doesn't reply, so I generally avoid text conversations, and I just don't like answering calls [it could be anyone, what do I say? what if I say something wrong or don't understand? but I don't want to hang up, that's rude!] so those never happen. As for chats with people on insta or here, if I'm not answering it's because I'm avoiding the responsibility coming on to that social media platform brings. I've gotten a little better at those because I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact I don't have to post anything but I still feel bad when I don't. Then there's group chats. Those I avoid for multiple reasons; they lag sometimes, everyone is on when I'm at school and off when I can talk, I don't want to miss anything so I end up missing everything, I'm not very good at engaging in the stereotypical gc conversation types full of dirty jokes, bad grammar, memes, and madness [no shaming I'm just more suited to long-winded conversation rip me], and last but not least I lowkey always feel like the whatever'th wheel. Aye, anyways, enough about my problems.
2] As is clear from the last one, I have a tendency to ramble, or just keep talking. I'm either silent for ages or talking for ages [and really quickly, it's a thing I learnt because people tend to stop listening after a time]. I have a lot of things to say, but not many situations where I'm comfortable saying them, so that means I'm cramming a lot in a little.
3] A sort of continuation from the last one- I can't handle people not listening to me. Not in a "you have to listen to me and my ways' kind of way, but a "if I'm taking the time to impart my ideas to you it means I'm comfortable in this situation and have probably wanted to say this for ages, I'd really appreciate it if you listened" kind of way. If you don't or stop listening I will lowkey get really silent, walk out of the room, and probably start tearing up, wops
4] I am a huge crier. I cry a lot, or maybe not cry but definitely almost cry. It's my form of release when I get anxious and it sucks cause when I'm anxious I don't want people to know and crying totally ruins that.
5] I used to be a violent kid. Like, screaming was my main defense but if that didn't work I would use my nails, and kick and punch and stuff. I was kind of difficult. I'm probably still just as stubborn, but I prefer the silent approach nowadays.
6] Some elaboration on the silent approach. I read in a book that if you don't know what to say you're better off staying silent, and it seems I've really taken that to heart. I don't know what to say in most situations, and bad things happen when I say things without thinking about it. This one ties in to the crying one sort of because a lot of the time my [anxious, I don't want to make it worse, what do I do?] silence is mistaken for [righteous teen ha I'm better than you I don't have to answer to you] silence. When that happens, I'm usually about to cry because I want to reconcile but I don't know how, wops again.
7] This is getting kind of depressing... Let's round it off with the fact there's a window in my room and whenever the curtains swish and the window isn't open I get lowkey freaked out.
8] Wait, wait, back to the depressing stuff; I have severe trust issues with myself. Okay, story time. So my friend showed me this test quiz thing they took that was an anxiety disorder ranking test thing, and while it wasn't a professional diagnosis, it was made by psychologists and based on studies and all that. I did the quiz and I ranked severe anxiety and while it kind of made sense, I can't help but think my answers were false, that I was goading myself to pick the more severe answers to be a special snowflake or whatever. I'm not explaining this very well, there's a post that explains it very well, I'll see if I can find it later. Anyways, I've considered the fact that I might have some sort of anxiety and I'd be ready to like actually see a doctor and stuff but I'm also afraid it's all in my head and I'm making it up and it's even worse because one of my friends has anxiety and I don't want to undermine her problem, and I know a lot of people have to deal with anxiety disorders and it's really bad for them so I probably don't have anxiety, I just get anxious like the next person, but I'm also extremely suggestible and when I'm around particularly "bad" things I get worse and honestly I just don't know, I just desperately don't want to be a pretentious asshole.
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9] ^^ this post is the one I was talking about and it explains me too well
10] I constantly want to create things but I have no commitment so nothing is ever created
11] I am the CEO of Unrealistic Dreams Incorporated™
12] I want everyone to be happy and have nice lives okay I cannot say this enough pls
13] Gender is really hard. I know it's all in your head, like that's the entire point, it's how the person feels and it's not tied to physical things like sex is. For me I have little idea what's happening. I feel like there's no difference, like girl, boy, anywhere inbetween, it's all the same, but like it's not and I know that but to me it is and that's why I kind of feel like agender isn't the right term for me because I'm kinda like not no gender but all of them but then not and aye someone stop me
14] [I reckon] creativity is pretty lit
15] I haven't had breakfast yet and it's after 2pm
OKAY OKAY EVERYONE ENOUGH ABOUT ME NOW IT'S ABOUT YOU AND THOSE I TAG AND WHILE I'M VERY BAD AT TAGGING AND ANYONE CAN DO THIS I'LL PUT SOME NAMES DOWN FOR THE SAKE OF IT
