Better Off Dead // Larry AU ✔️

or even exist at all

May 6th, 2015.

The next day, Louis walked into Dr. Edwards' office with a smile - something that rarely ever happened.

"Morning, Louis. I see you're feeling good." She smiled, motioning for him to sit down in the plush chair across from her.

"Better than I have in a while! I asked Harry to be my boyfriend. He's so wonderful, he makes me feel so good about myself and just... life in general."

"I'm so happy for you, Lou." She expressed, giving him a warm look. Her expression changed and she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "There is something we need to discuss, however." Louis bit his lip, folding his arms in his lap. "Your weight hasn't been increasing as steadily as we had hoped, babe."

"But," Louis whimpered, "isn't this good enough? It hurts, Perrie." He shook his head. Perrie has been Louis' doctor since he first got here, suffice to say they had reached a first name basis.

"I know, Lou, but we need to get you healthy." She defended, looking through the folder on her desk. Petrie cleared her throat, "you're nearly one hundred pounds. Louis, you're a nineteen year old male, you should be at least one fifty-five."

Louis cringed at the thought, not trusting his voice at that moment.

"What's the problem, babe? You told me last time that the voices were getting better." Perrie said softly, taking her glasses off.

"They were. I mean – they are. It's just," Louis took a breath, adjusting his current position so he was sitting criss-crossed on the seat. "It's been this way for so many years now and it's hard to break those habits. I keep trying to tell myself that I need food, I need the energy and fat on my body so I can be healthy and live a good life but my mind is still stuck back in that dark place."

"Are they still saying the same things?" Louis shook his head, "what are they saying?"

"I'm getting fat. People are starting to see it and I need to fix it. They tell me I should lie to the nurses about eating but if I do I get so hungry and – I've never been hungry before, Perrie. My stomach starts to cramp and gurgle and it hurts so bad."

"That's good, babe! Your body is getting used to having food in it now. Your body is training itself to use that food again. Your body is starting to recover, it seems we just have a bit of a problem trying to convince your mind of the same thing, innit?" Perrie explained, pulling out a piece of paper. "Give this to your therapist after lunch today, okay? It's a new meal plan for you. As you know, the eating disorders are all served the same thing. This plan has been proven to help some hard cases; hopefully it can help you."

"What is it?" Louis raised an eyebrow, looking over the paper.

"The portion sizes you'll be getting will be smaller, but they will be packed full of nutrients and good calories that your body needs. You'll also be taking a multi-vitamin to help your body even more, but this one will be slightly different than the one you're on now. It's going to help your muscles strengthen so you won't be so weak and achey. You want to get better, Louis, I can see it in your eyes."

Louis smiled at her, nodding along to her words. "I really do, Perrie. I've been thinking about what my life could be like once I get better." He added.