Something New // Niall Horan

Shopping

*~: Cara :~*

I truly couldn't believe I've survived these past few days.

I've been sitting in a little guest room of Blake and Jess's that they didn't really have ready the first night, but I was rewarded with the comfort of a true bed the other two evenings.

I still had to watch the Christmas tree in all its conceited glory; why doesn't the Christmas tree notice whenever I'm glum? "Oh, the tree's looking a little dark, why don't we add a few more cheery, sparkling glass spheres and a string of lights?" Why does no one notice when I'm a little dark, and wrap coloured bulbs around me to brighten my day?

Figuratively, of course.

I'm going insane just sitting here but I'm too lazy to do anything about it. Hah. Reminds me of my high school years.

It's December 27 already and I guess it's still sinking in.

Oh God, have I ever fucked up. Niall hates me and Noah hates me but Niall hates me more and-

"Cara. Cara. Hey!"

I suppose Jess must've been trying to get my attention for a while. Oops.

Smiling sheepishly, I slink from the couch into a standing position and reply, "Yeah?" Stifling a yawn, despite the fact that all I've really done the past few days is sleep, I shifted from foot to foot, somewhat uncomfortably and not all there, before she finally answered.

"You need to go out, sweetie. We're... worried about you. I don't think it's the best idea to stay cooped up here. Maybe we should go out shopping or something?" I was more than half-asleep and therefore idiotically unaware of her this-is-totally-not-an-intervention-what-are-you-talking-about, not-so-nonchalant tone.

"Uh, sure." I swayed a bit before heading to the mall with Jess. Her worried expression was still, unfortunately, lost on me.

~

Finally at the mall, I had to refrain from zoning out as Jess rambled on and on about a certain bag she wished to purchase at some point today.

"Because, you see, she like, got me a white leather Chanel 'Extravagànte' Purse with black embellishments and /gold/ metalwork, but with my skin tone, really? Gold? So I'm gonna return it for a white leather Chanel 'Extravagànte' Purse with black embellishments and /silver/ metalwork. I know that they say you really don't need to match metals, but it looks best like that, you know? Nice and matchy." Using her hands to accentuate her words, although she lost me before she even really began, Jess continued to blab meaninglessly on about an interesting scarf she's discovered before Christmas but had waited first to see if anyone bought her it for the holidays first. "It looks so expensive and like, designer, and so pretty, but it's so cheap. It's practically a steal."

As I "listened" to her babble, I realized what my life really has been for the past few years, before Niall. This purse, that purse, which makeup brand actually makes your eyes pop properly, etc. Had I really become one of those preppy girls who shopped every weekend, or was it just Jess?

Looking back, and continuously blocking her out, I decided there really was no way to tell and there never will be. I could never ask Jess, she'd take offence or say I've lost my mind; shopping is the best thing she's ever done. And I never spent as much time with anyone else as I did with her, so there really was no way to tell. I doubt I would've liked the truth, anyways. But you never know.

"Cara! I swear to God if you don't answer me I'll shove my iPhone up your nose!"

Oh. Jess must've noticed my utter lack of desire to listen to her idiotic blabber. Oops.

"Hi," I said back to her dumbly, causing her to burst out in laughter, setting her Starbucks cup down on the Starbucks table beside her Starbucks napkin. Was there something on my face-How the hell did we get here?

Somehow she had bought a Starbucks latté and so had I. What. The. Hell.

I really zoned out, I guess.

"Is there something on my face?" I gasped like the blonde I obviously wasn't.

"No-" Jess broke off as she attempted what I interpreted as explaining to me whatever was funny.

God, her laughter was contagious. Soon I was giggling along with her, still unaware of the reason behind her chortling.

After a while she quieted down and people's attention returned to their own tables instead of ours, as our girlish guffaws had been a bit of a scene. Whoops.

It's truly been a while since I've just laughed with Jess. And, although strange, it felt familiar, and... good.

"Do you wanna just walk around, or..." Jess leaned closer to me before uttering, as if a secret, "Purge."

She backed away and both of us giggled again, although I did consider both options. I really didn't have anything I /needed/, so- what am I saying? My maternal brain is getting to me. I should loosen up.

"Maybe walk around, window-shop and stuff until we find something worth purging on," I suggested with a smile after a few short moments of consideration.

"Alright," she agreed with a bob of her head before picking up her small black shoulder bag and a Chanel shopping bag with the purse she said earlier that she wanted to return for obvious reasons.

She also reached for her clear Starbucks cup with a latté that I had just realized was iced, as was mine.

I had almost left my cup on the table! Shoot. So I wrapped the thin fingers of my left hand around the chilly plastic. But, my gaze lingered on the bare skin of my engagement finger, and had to hold back a sob.

Before Jess had a chance to notice-for I did not wish to ruin this day with my closest friend-I shook the uneasy, regretful, guilty feeling off.

"Let's blow this popsicle stand, shall we?" she said with mock grandeur that reminded me bitterly of that day, so very long ago; the picnic and movie with Chris. The sweet, kind Chris that wanted to be more than friends, in an adorable, shy way. The Chris without numerous tattoos and piercings, the Chris that I could've loved. If I hadn't hit it off with-

No. I will not litter this day with thoughts of my perfect, blonde-haired him.

So off we went to make a circle of the first floor of the mall.

"Eee! That dress is to die for!" I squealed, just as I would have a long while ago, while pointing to a light, but not a pastel, blue gown in a prom dress store.

Upon further inspection, Jess and I found that that dress was far too pricey for any middle-class person to even try on.

But, a nice deep purply mid-thigh length v-neck halter gown caught Jess's attention, and it was reasonably priced.

Jess asked me if it was okay to try it on, which of course it was! Although she continued to worry that it would not look good on her at all.

Of course it will, I thought somewhat jealously, wishing I had her flawless beauty. Everything does.

And, low and behold, it did and she insisted on purchasing the dress. I had not realized before she tried it on that it had a black belt to go around her waist, with a semi-large buckle that had those embellishments that make metal look sparkly.

Next, we ventured to Chanel. It was relatively uneventful, just the usual group of teenagers bumped into us while laughing profusely at some unknown crack at something or another before we entered.

Jess switched out the bag without any issues.

"Should we get some McDonald's or something?" she offered.

"Sure," I answered. I had been a slight bit hungry.

But, on the way there, I ran into the worst thing I possibly could've.

You know, other than Chris. Obviously.

A group of no-longer pregnant women pushing strollers while their four or five toddlers old enough to walk jumped around excitedly.

"God, no no no," I turned away and rushed into the women's loo just across the large mall hallway.

"Cara? Cara! What's wrong?" Jess chased after me, worry showing clearly on her face. A small tear ran down my cheek before locking myself in a cubicle.

I'd seen plenty of people with children today, of course, but I hadn't paid any attention to them.

Noah, baby I love you. Sweetie please forgive me.

A shaking mess was all I was when finally I listened to Jess's pleas to "come out, tell me what's wrong."

"Awe, sweetie. What happened?"

"Noah. N-noah. I miss him so much," I shuddered when I remembered his adorable face, and brown tuft of hair so resembling Niall's natural hair colour.

Niall. I love you too.

"I miss Niall too. I'm such an idiot, I can't,-" I could no longer continue as Jess was mopping my tears, telling me to "shh" and "calm down" and that "everything will be alright."

"I'm so sorry I ruined today," I apologized as she finally finished fixing me up and the two of us started on our way out of the mall.

"It's okay, babe. I completely understand. And you didn't even wreck it a little bit. Today was awesome." With a tiny smile, she added, "I missed you, you know."

"I know. I did too."

And I wasn't lying. I did miss the old me.

But I sure as hell missed my family more.

Family. I like that.




A/N: Please check out my Harry fanfic 'Recovery' and follow my instagram @laurie_efron :)