The Road to....Somewhere???

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

Ten years. It has been ten years since I could say I was single. At this moment, I can't wrap my mind around that one simple word. Single. The last time I was single was in high school. Now, I am 27, and completely lost. My whole life, at least the last ten years of it, has been defined by her. What do I do now?

"Ashley? Hello? Where are you?" I realize that I have been lost in thought, and completely ignoring my friend. 

"I'm sorry. What were you saying?" I reply.

"I was asking you what your plans were for this weekend?" Cassie looks at me, frowning. "You were thinking about her again, weren't you?"

"I can't think of anything else. I know it was for the best, but it is still very hard to deal with. She leaves, and now I am left with nothing. I don't know where to go from here. No, I do not have any plans for this weekend. It has been to many years since I have had to make plans. My life was always filled up. I would not even know how to go about making plans for myself right now." Tears wanted to be shed, but were not to be found. I had done all my crying, and there was just nothing left. 

"Well, I guess that I will have to do the planning for you then, won't I?" Cassie is trying so hard, and for that I am very grateful. Most of "our" friends were in reality her friends, and I was not left with much in the way of companionship. "Tracy is having a get together at her place Saturday. I am sure that you will know a lot of the people there. I know you can't see yourself getting over this, or finding anyone new, but you can't just stay holed up in this house all by yourself for the rest of your life. Of course, this house is quite amazing, and I can see the temptation, but you have to get out. I know you were not happy with her, and even though it was a very long relationship, I also know you are happier without her. At least, you will be when you realize the potential your life now holds."

She was right. I was ultimately happier without Sarah. The last few years were just spent on auto pilot. Our relationship was just comfortable, and expected. Neither of us was happy, but neither of us was willing to make the first move. As grateful as I was to Sarah for finally having the guts to end it, I was still hurt, and unsure of where to go from here. I had never really dated, so I did not know how to go about that whole situation. Sarah was the only one I had ever been with. Everything was just new, and kind of scary. 

"You're right. It can't hurt. Maybe I will actually end up having a good time."

"Of course you will. You are smart, beautiful, and loaded. We will have you hooked up in no time." Cassie was so blunt. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I guess my blonde hair and blue eyes are stereo-typically beautiful. I always thought of myself more as cute than beautiful. My short hair, athletic build, and dimples make me look more like a cute boy than a beautiful woman. My height, 5'11", didn't help either. On the other hand, she was completely correct about the loaded part. When my parents passed, they left me everything. Not that I was just sitting around, living off of that. I owned two of my own thriving buisness's in town, and I would have been fine without their money.

"Great. Tomorrow night. She said to be there around 8. You want to go with us, or meet us there?" The us Cassie was referring to was her and her girlfriend, Erin. Two years they had been together, and they still seemed to be just as happy as when they first hooked up.

"I think I would prefer to go alone. I have to get used to it, and I want to be able to leave when I want. This is new, so I don't know how this will all go."

"I am so glad you are doing this. We have been worried about you. I'm going to head home. Erin will be off soon. Call if you need anything. We love you and we are here for you." Cassie stands up to leave, and we head to the front door. She hugs me and goes out the door. 

What have I gotten myself into?