The Road to....Somewhere???

I Can't Stay

Logan's p.o.v.

I'm not really understanding what just happened. 

Tears streaming down my face, I simply held Ashley as she sobbed uncontrollably. This was scaring the shit out of me. When she first "attacked" me, I was incredibly turned on by it. I had never been one for rough sex, but the things she was doing to me was driving my body crazy. Who knew I would enjoy this so much. 

By the time we had made it to the kitchen, as turned on as I was, I knew something was off as well. I didn't want to stop, though. Whatever this was, it felt great for me, and Ashley didn't seem to have any intentions of stopping, so I simply enjoyed it. 

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with Ashley, though. Seeing her broken like this was something I had not imagined seeing. Even when talking about her past, she didn't break down in this manner. I was doing all I knew to do, but it didn't seem like enough. She is so strong. 

"Baby, what is wrong?" I ask, trying to get her to let me help her.

"I don't know. Nothing.. Everything.. I feel like I'm going crazy."

We spent the next hour talking about all the things she said she had been thinking since our altercation with Lindsey. I didn't realize she had been feeling all of these things, and most of them were my fault.  The lying that had occurred more than once. The not being open with her, and letting her in completely. 

As we were laying in bed after everything, I could only think of how I had let it come to this. From the beginning of this relationship, I had promised I would be different this time. Here I was, fucking things up, like always. The more I thought about it, the more I could only come up with one conclusion to the problem. I needed to leave. 

My love for Ashley was greater than anything I had felt for anyone else, but I was doing nothing but driving her crazy. It wasn't suppose to turn out like this. Things were supposed to be great and perfect with us. Things had been until Lindsey showed herself. Something that was completely my fault. For whatever reason, this happened now, and I wasn't sure there was a way for me to fix it.

Looking over at Ashley's sleeping form, I began to cry. She was so beautiful. I was the luckiest woman in the world, to have her love. All she got in return was me. Screwed up, emotionally retarded, me. She didn't deserve this. She shouldn't have to put up with me and the shit that followed me. I knew better than to bring my craziness into her world. 

"Hey.  Are you ok love?" I didn't realize I had been so loud, but I had woken Ashley. In the light from the moon, I could see the concern etched on her face, and this only made the tears run harder. Even through the shit, she still loved me. So, how could I leave her, knowing how much she loved me? But, how could I stay, and continue to inevitably fuck up her life even more?

"Will you hold me Ashley?"

Without hesitation, her arms enveloped me. My tears continued, and no more words were said. I wasn't sure what she was thinking. I was sure what I was thinking, though.

I loved her more than anything in the world.

I can't stay.

I know this is short, but I am having some major problems getting into the groove of things again. I'm sorry, but I think I know where this going now, so it should be easier to write. Hope I don't piss to many people off with what is to come. Hope everyone is enjoying, and leave me some feedback if any of you have some ideas. I will be sure to acknowledge anyone's ideas I use. Thank any of you who are sticking with me, and being patient.