The Road to....Somewhere???

I Held Her

Logan's p.o.v.

Oh fuck.

That was the very first thought that ran through my mind, as I saw the woman sitting in front of me. The next thought was to ask why in the hell she was here. She wasn't supposed to be, couldn't be, here. I searched for her for so long, and never found a trace of her. Now she shows up, like she belongs. 

Along with all these thoughts of anger and horror, there is also another feeling. One I had not thought I would be able to feel if we ever crossed path's again. A feeling I didn't want to be able to feel for her. I wouldn't call it love, but it was certainly something similar. 

Our relationship hadn't lasted very long, but it was the most intense one I had ever had, to that point. Nothing like Ashley and I, but it might have developed, if she hadn't been a crazy psycho bitch. Aside from that fact, I had felt things for her. And now, now that my life was going better than it ever had before, she was back. I'm beginning to think that the fates of the world were totally against me. Laughing at the situations they constantly seemed to be putting me in.

"Hey." Really?

"Really? Hey?" That one word pissed me the fuck off. I felt like jumping over the desk and beating the shit out of her. That, of course, would not be the mature, or legal, thing to do, but I was very tempted. 

"Umm, sorry?" It came out as a question. Not an apology. This made me even more angry. So, I just went off. 

"Sorry? Is that really all you can think to say? What part exactly are you sorry for? Are you sorry for stealing all of my money, for leaving me with no knowledge as to where you were, for the ass beatings you regularly delivered, the cheating? What? What exactly are you fucking sorry for?" By the end of this rant I was out of breath, and crying. Crying cause I was mad, hurt, and looking like a damn fool right now. 

"I was really messed up then, and I am truly sorry. For all of it. I never meant to hurt you. I was messing around with meth real bad, It changed who I was. I never meant for anything to turn out the way it did. I can't change anything that happened, but I can try to make it up to you. I miss you. We were so good together, and I miss us. I'm clean now, and I want another chance. I want to show you how it could have, should have, been with us." 

I couldn't speak. No words would even form to come out. Drugs. I hadn't known, and never even considered it. Not that it changes anything, but then again, it kind of does. I remember when we first hooked up, how things had been. 

We had met at the club. A friends birthday had brought me to the club. Lindsey had come with another friend of the birthday girl. Neither of us had been as much a part of the group as most of the others seemed to be, so we had ended up sort of bonding over that fact. We had gotten very drunk, and I took her home with me. 

That was the beginning of our six month relationship. It had started very quickly and intensly, and had went fairly well for the first two months. Then things had changed rapidly. She had started cheating on me, and not long after the beatings had begun. I was no stranger to abuse, and it had oddly felt normal. Shame washed over me every time I admitted this fact.  However, it was the truth. It felt more real than when she was being nice to me. I had never even thought about drugs being in the picture, but now, I could see things I hadn't then. The highs and lows she had. Her disappearing. The stealing was even a tad bit understandable now.

"Drugs?" I didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah. I thought you knew, or that you would have at least figured out at some point. I know it's not an excuse for anything I ever did to you, but it is my only reason. I really am sorry. For everything.  I know that it's not enough, and it doesn't fix anything, but it's all I got." She was crying now. I had never seen her cry. I hadn't thought her capable of it, actually. 

I did the only thing I could think of right then.

I held her.