The Road to....Somewhere???

I'm Scared This Is Going To Change Everything

This chapter is very, very hard to write. Please bear with me if it is not perfect. Sometimes emotions overthrow my writing ability. 

Ashley's p.o.v.

The shower was so nice.

 We spent a little longer than normal in the shower, but nothing more happened than enjoying the feel of each other. It was sweet, not sexual. Sarah would never shower with me. When we finish, I give her some clothes to put on, just some shorts and a t-shirt. 

In the kitchen, she sits at the bar as I begin to prepare breakfast. Over the last week, I had found out so many things about her, one of them being that pancakes are her favorite breakfast food. We have been silent while I gather the needed items to begin. As I begin creating, I begin talking as well.

"So, I guess the time to tell you everything is now."

"You don't have to, Ash. I will not press about anything you aren't ready to talk about. With that being said, I am also here to listen to anything you do want to talk about." She is so very kind.

"No, I want...no, need....to tell you this stuff. Please just bear with me. Ok, I guess I'll just start at the beginning. I do not know my biological parents. When I was born, I was given up for adoption. Keep in mind, I don't know all the details of when I was very young. I have gotten pieces over the years, but I don't even know who I would go to, to find out anything." Stopping for a moment, to concentrate on what I am doing right then, Logan takes the opportunity to speak. What she says throws me through a loop.

"I wish my parents had made that decision. " She says it low, trying to hide what can only be construed as shame in her voice. Looking up, she catches me staring at her. "Like I said, everyone has a past." Obviously she is not going to tell me about it right now. This is probably for the best, because I don't need any reason not to tell her my story, and that would be the perfect escape if I allowed it. Nodding my head in acknowledgement of all the things she just said without words, I continue with my story, and breakfast.

"From what I can gather, I was bounced around a lot when I was very small. The only people I remember, are Tony and June. I was placed with them when I was 5. I was there until I was finally adopted by the people I call mom and dad, at the age of 13. The only way I can describe those 8 years is horrible, detestable, completely fucked up. My first vivid memory of my life consists of Tony throwing me across my bedroom, because I had wet the bed. I remember every detail about that incident. There are many things from those 8 years that are fuzzy, or I probably blocked, but there are just as many things that I remember vividly. I can remember down to how the air smelled." I have to break, and take the prepared breakfast over to the table in the kitchen. Logan follows me, and sits. "I have milk, OJ, soda, water, tea, pretty much whatever you would like."

"Orange juice would be fine, thank you." She seems a little nervous now. I place my hand on her shoulder, and bend my head close to hers. 

"Hey, please don't do that. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, or act like I'm all fragile and going to break. It's ok. Please?" Begging her to not look at me like Sarah used to at times, She answers by lifting her lips to mine, and smiling into a very sensual kiss. "Thank you." I give her one more peck, before going to fix us drinks. Sitting by her at the table, between bites, the story resumes.

"So, like I said, I don't remember everything, and some things I will not be talking about today, but I will tell you some things. With time, I want you to know everything, but right now, I just can't. So, when I was younger, it was just kind of like that. I would do something, like spill my drink, or get my clothes dirty playing, and one or the other of them would beat me. By the time I was ten, they started locking me in the basement. I never left. They apparently told my caseworker they were homeschooling me. They would let me out on her day's to visit, with threats of what would happen if I let on that anything was wrong. There were books down in the basement, and I started reading. I always put things back where they were so they wouldn't know what I was doing. The books, they were like my escape. I could live the character's lives while I was engrossed in their stories. The beatings started getting worse. It started out with belts, or extensions cords. As time went on, they started using this leather whip thing. That was the worst thing to get beaten with. It would leave a lot more than a whelp on my skin. June was a nurse, and when the skin would break, and bleed, she would sew it up, and keep it clean. Tony, well, let's just say he did a lot worse than just beat me." With this last sentence, my breath catches. I hadn't really meant to say anything about that. I had kept it together till that part, and now the tears begin to fall. I haven't been looking at Logan, for fear of what I would see in her eyes as I was telling my story. I cut my eyes at her, and see she is rising from her chair. She comes straddle me, and pulls me to her. Leaning into her chest, I let it out. I hadn't broken down like this since the trial, almost 15 years ago. Stroking my hair, and lightly rocking, she doesn't say anything. She just holds me. After I calm down a little, I pull back from her, so I can look at her. 

Logan gently strokes my cheek, looking straight into my soul. There was no disgust, no hatred, no worries. I can already tell the whole story is going to be divulged to her. Things Sarah never even knew. Hell, she already knew more than Sarah had.

"I don't think June knew about it. From what I could deduce, he came down when June was at work. The first time it happened, I was 11. I remember thinking... at least it didn't hurt as bad as the beatings." With that said, another breakdown hits. Never before had those thoughts been shared with another person, not even the therapist. Logan is crying now, too. 

I don't know how long we sat there, holding each other, and crying.

I'm scared this is going to change everything.