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The next morning

I sometimes have my good days. That are the days I don't think that much of Dani. The days I don't think everything is my fault and then I live how Dani wanted me to live. Happy.

But sometimes I have my bad days. I can't stop thinking about her. I want to scream how much I miss her. I want her to come back to me. And I know it will never happen. Because she is gone..

And right now I have a bad day. I see the way Lisa looks at me. Like she is saying: what's wrong with you? And I want to scream. I want to cry. But what I really do is just shrugging. I need to keep my emotions in me. They need to know I'm okay and that I can save myself. I don't need their help.

Aiden and Luke stayed here till like 2AM. Then they leaved and we went to sleep. They sleeped in the livingroom. But halfway the night Christina decided that she doesn't wanted to sleep there and she just came into my bed. There is something with the name: Privacy!

"So Lauren, what is exactly going on with Aiden?" Lisa asks me. I didn't want this talk! But maybe it's better then talking about what is really wrong with me.

"I just feel myself slowly liking him more, but he is hanging more and more out with that other girl. I know he likes her so much and I don't want to stop his joy to tell that I like him. Because he would get upset and he maybe will ditch Danielle to hangout with me, because that is how he is.. He didn't wants anyone to feel sad 9r left out." I say. Why can't he be an asshole?! Then I didn't like him!

Lisa gives me a hug. "Lauren... This is... I.. How did you keep up with this? Acting so happy and normal to him?" Lisa asks me. I shrug my shoulders and I begin to cry. "H-he is my-my b-bestf-friend! I d-don't wa-want to l-lose him!" I cry into her shoulder. He is the only one here I know so good. I know a few people besides him. A girl from work, the owner of the bookshop and his brother.

"So just let it be! Enjoy the feelings you get around him, but don't show it! Maybe it's just something small..." Lisa says while hugging me even stronger. I feel happy...

*a week later*

"Goodbye Lauren..." Lisa says while hugging me. They're going back to Nashville. And I'm staying here. I'm beginning to regret my choice of going to London. I miss my family so much! But I also don't want to leave Aiden... Even if it's hurts to stay with him..

"Bye Lisa" I say before I feel the tears slipping out of my eyes. Christina wraps her strong arms around me. "I'm going to text you about all the info of my wedding Lauren, we are going to skype and facetime" she says almost crying.

"Stay strong" Katherine says while giving me a wink and hugging me. Then Amy wraps her arms around me. "I'm going to miss you" she says.

I look at them and I feel the tears.  streaming down my cheeks. "I'll see you guys soon" I say while whiping some of them away. I wave at them and slowly they pick up their stuff. They walk away to their plane..

When they are out of sight, I wipe the last tears away and I grab my phone.

"Aiden?" I say through the phone. He said he wanted to pick me up. I just had to call him. "Yes Lauren? Do I need to pick you up?" He ask me. I feel my heart beating. Focus Lauren.

"Y-yeah" I stutter. Lauren! Act normal! "Aww.. Do you miss them already?" Aiden asks through the phone. I nod my head, but then I realize he doesn't see me. "Yes.." I say quikly after that.

"Okay I'm coming to get you, just stay there!" He says. I walk outside of the airport. It will take him around 10 minutes to come here so I better do something.

Out of my bag I grab my notebook. I always take it with me. It's my notebook for Dani. It's like talking with her. I need to express my feelings sometimes and this is how I do it.

Sweet Dani,

I know it's a long time since I wrote something. That's supposed to be a good thing right? Well... It's not.

I like someone... Someone I shouldn't like. My bestfriend: Aiden. I know he doesn't likes me back. He shows that clearly by going out on dates with Danielle. I know it's weird she has the same name as you. It also hurts.

I don't even know her but I have the feelings she is like you. That she is crazy, definitely not shy and pretty. That's why I don't want to meet her. I'm afraid I'll think of you.

Or that I'll cry because she is probably going to be the girlfriend of Aiden.

I know I've to let go of you... I know I've to move on from Aiden. Both are hurting me. But 'I know' is different from 'I can'.

I can't let you go! I don't want to miss you. I'll always think about you. In so many things. You're a girl nobody can forget.

With your obsession with celebrities. With your love for Nutella and cute boys. How sweet you can be, but also how mean if you have to. How easy you can make friends and people laugh. That is why people like you. You're cute and strong at the same time. You're my Dani...

If you were here, you would probably give me smack because of how Im talking. I'm talking like our mother. You would tell me I need to let go and that I need to tell Aiden how I'm feeling. And I would still not do it. But you would find your way. Or you would say it yourself or you would force me to say it.

In one way it's really mean, but in another it's sweet. Because you wished the best for me. And you still do.

It's like I can't get you out of my mind, because you were always in there. You knew me better then everyone. You still do.

I know I've to let you go.. And I'm going to try. 

I drop my pen. My hand is hurting I wrote so fast and so many words on this paper. I hear footsteps coming into my way. Is that Aiden?

"Lauren!" I hear a voice screaming. I lift my head up and I'm quietly surprised who I'm seeing.

"Luke?"

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Heeey! Updating is going better ;D. Almost New Year, just 2 days more. XD.

Thanks to everyone who likes this story and who comments! <3. I'm always very happy to see that :D

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