Enough {h.s.}

18

Growing up is about facing your fears. When you're young, you're afraid of the dark. You keep a night light on so you can always see and you avoid going out at night because you don't want the things lurking in the shadows to touch you. And then one day, it just doesn't matter. One day you wake up and yearn for the night to come faster so you can lay in the dark and contemplate your whole existence. And just like the fear of darkness, you have fear of people you like. When you're young you develop small and harmless crushes on people. Then you grow a little and start to experience the attention you get from them and realize you can't form a single sentence. Then you grow more and you realize it's easy talking to your crush as long as you can act like everything's cool. And you begin to yearn for the time you spend talking and growing closer, like you once yearned for the darkness.

But with darkness and contemplating comes the bigger chance for depression and with the talking and growing closer comes the bigger chance for heartbreak.

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I added a bit more hairspray to give my hair a little more volume before taking one last look in the mirror. There was no way I was going to go to school looking like the shit I felt, no matter how much I wanted to. I wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of gossiping about how he broke me and I sure as hell won't let Clary gloat.

I look in the mirror once more. My black and white stripped dress evidently a little too short with a denim shirt to cover, white sandals to match my white mini bag, along with a few accessories to make the outfit complete. My hair was curled into loose waves and my make up was simple and clean. I, thankfully, did not have puffy eyes from crying. So with one last look, I stuffed my phone and some money in my bag and headed down stairs.

"You look sharp today," my dad comments as I enter the kitchen. "Special occasion?"

I shook my head smiled. "No, just thought I'd try today." He nods and I grab my keys, kissing him goodbye and heading to my truck. I put on Crooked Smile by J Cole knowing the beat would keep me from feeling down, even though the song is actually quite sad.

I sang all the way to school and I felt okay until I arrived and parked the car. As the ignition shut off I felt a sudden queasiness wash over me and I felt a sudden regret in wearing my outfit. Everyone's going to know I'm trying to not seem hurt. They're gonna see right through me.

"What the fuck." I blurt out loud to myself. It doesn't matter what they think. I grab my little bag and my folder full of papers and step out of my car. They can think what they want but you best believe that I'm gonna look good and he's going to be sorry he ever hurt me. And if doesn't feel sorry then oh well, I still look good.

I walked into school and began to feel sick. I just wanted to be home, eating pizza, and watching tv. But I sucked it up and made my way to first period where I would find Beth.

HARRYS POV

Lunch time rolled around and I sat on her table, watching as people strolled into the cafeteria completely oblivious to anything but themselves. It felt like hours passed before I finally her beautiful face appear through the double doors.

She looked amazing. Her outfit, her hair, her smile. At least it did, until she locked eyes with me. I gave a smile but hers disappeared from her face, but she didn't look sad. She looked disgusted. Disappointed. Completely done with me. But only for a second before she turned her attention back to Beth and Jake and his friend Logan, who I might add was touching Alex way too much.

I hung my head and slid my fingers through my hair. Images of Alex and I sitting in her room in front of her dresser while she grabbed my curls to straighten them flashed through my mind. Her laugh rung in my ears and my chest began to feel like it caved in. Then images of Clary rolled through and it made my stomach churn.

As if she knew what I was thinking about, a pair of pale legs and green heals stood in front of me. I brought my head from between my knees and looks up to see a head of curly red hair standing before me.

"What." I say already annoyed.

Her little smile fell at my tone and she rolled her eyes. "You can't keep treating me like this."

"Like what?" I look at her disgustedly.

"Like I'm the one who ruined your relationship." She sounded angry now. "You can't blame me for this, it was double sided. Yes, I will take partial blame for this but I was just as shit faced as you. And that's still no excuse."

I say still, eyes wide, just staring at her. "Why are you yelling at-"

"Because you're a dumbass!" She groaned. "You're blaming it all on me, your sad pathetic existence. But you didn't have to sleep with me. You chose to."

And with that she turned in her little green heals and walked, or should I say, strutted away.

She was right. It was my fault. I know this, I wish it wasn't true but I did choose to sleep with her. I knew what I was doing the whole time and I did it anyway. It shames me that it's true but it is. I did it knowing she was at home, probably eating pizza, completely oblivious to what I was doing. Hurting her. Betraying her. Treating her like nothing.

I don't deserve her, I never have and I never will.

"Can you please move." I hear a beautiful voice say in a very annoyed tone.

I look up to see her, Alex, looking beautiful. And with a completely neutral face, she stared into my eyes. "Oh, I- I just, um,"

"Move." She says again. I hastily get up and pull the chair for her to sit but she rejects it by placing her food one spot over.

I sigh and push the chair back in before awkwardly turning and walking away.

I need to get her back. And I will. I'm not entirely sure how but I do know it involves the song I've been writing. All she has to do is hear it. But only her. The only problem would be getting her to be alone in the same room as me.

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I know this is short too but it's the perf place to stop. The whole reason I started this story was because of the song he wrote. It's the big thing. And it's coming up and I'm so excited.

xx

Added note: if any of you people ever wanna talk feel free to message me. About anything, whether it's the guy you like or some puppy you saw.