Enough {h.s.}

14

I, myself, still don't fully understand why I'm so hooked on him. He's like a drug I can't get enough of. Before when I saw him in the halls at school—like when we were starting to become close and I started getting these little waves of feelings towards him—I'd freak the fuck out on the inside but on the outside I pretended to not care. And he'd mess with me. He'd poke my stomach and block me from walking. And there were these time when I'd be freezing and he'd give me his hoodie—that was way too big for me—and I would become warm, not my hands—which were always freezing—but my insides would melt and I'd get this weird feeling in my chest. So all day, as I walked around the school with his jacket on, I'd smell him. His cologne engulfed me and in class, he'd whisper something in my direction and his minty breath would fan against my face. I'd also get lost in his eyes. The always seemed to be a different shade of sea glass. In the dark, his eyes are a deep color, like all eyes, you can't really tell the distinct color. On rainy days, when the dark clouds cover the sky, his eyes are a deep green. And when the sunlight hits them just right they're the brightest sea green you've ever seen with a rim of blue. They're so intriguing that you can't help but wonder how those amazing eyes see the world. But there are these moments in time when we're alone and he begins talking about something he loves, it doesn't matter how well the lighting is because his eyes shine brighter than ever. If he isn't smiling you can still tell he's ecstatic because his eyes give it away. They smile so bright and when he looks into your eyes at that moment, you know there's more. There's something better, it's like hope. Hope found in a person.

And not many people see that, that's the sad thing. People look at him and think, he's amazing at soccer, he's extremely good looking, he's perfect. And he is, just not for those reasons. He's perfect because he'll find ways to make you smile when you're down and his charisma pulls you in and never lets you go. When he smiles it makes you're day 100 times better because it real. He's genuinely caring, he only wants what good for you, yes he screws up sometimes but so does everyone else.

But I think when someone you love screws up you forgive them an uncountable amount of times and sometimes that can kill you.

I close my pen and smile. Hopefully it won't kill me, hopefully I won't have to forgive him anymore. I like where we are. We're going good.

I cough and wipe my nose with a tissue before placing my notebook on my nightstand and turn out the light. I've felt like shit all day, coughing and sneezing. There was a party tonight at some guys house but I obviously couldn't go due to my current state.

Wednesday after school Harry had taken me to my "surprise" birthday with Beth, Jake, and he even invited Delia. There wasn't a lot of people but I loved everyone there so I was perfectly happy. We went to Jake's house and had cake, drank quite a bit of alcohol, and just had fun. We even went skinny dipping but if I'm being honest I don't remember much of that night but I do know that even though it was fun, I caught a cold.

So, now, here I lay covered in quilts and tissues, starving. Harry even offered to stay with me instead of going to the party but I know he misses his boys so I insisted he went. He needed this. He can't be cooped up with me all the time. I just hope he's having fun. Meanwhile, here I sit with the intentions of getting food but any minute now.

-----

omg this chapter is shit but it's just a filler. I needed to put this out there so I can start the next because that's when the real shit happens.

sweet xx