Enough {h.s.}

16

The final bell finally rang after two terrible long hours I had to spend in the same room as him. The whole school knew about what happened. How he cheated, how he hid it. Everyone kept glancing at me with sympathetic eyes and I wanted to just scream at them to stop. Harry's eyes never left me either. He stared, every now and then glancing at the clock and the teacher but I could feel his stare burning though me. I knew my teacher could tell something was wrong because he wouldn't stop glancing at me either. Once that bell rang I made a run for it. I pushed past all the people gossiping in the halls, feeling hatred rise within me.

"I heard she wouldn't give it to him so he got it from someone else."

"I heard that he really loves Clary and he just used Alex."

The comments everyone was making sickened me. It amazed me how fast it all spread, like no one has their own life to live.

I heard Harry calling my name as I rushed passed everyone and out the doors, quickening my pase as his voice grew louder. I shoved about three people out of the way and when I finally made to my car the key got stuck in the side. I jiggled it and pulled it but with no success. He was shouting my name and telling me to wait, only making me want to open the door faster which caused the key to only get jammed further.

I couldn't handle it, everything was so jumbled up in my mind that I broke. I fell. I dropped my bag to the ground and slid down the side of the door, tears falling like the biggest dam in the world cracked and let every ounce of water it was holding flow out. My knees were to my chest and my hands covered my face as Harry's footsteps were heard stopping right in front of me. I peeked through my fingers and saw him kneeled down before me, a disappointed and hurt frown plastered across his face. I felt his finger tips brush my forearm but I flinched and pushed them away.

"Don't touch me." I croak out, barely audible.

He pulls his hands away and looks away from my eyes. "Just let me explain." He whispers.

"Go away." My words are quite and I wipe my eyes and face, cleaning myself up.

"I know I fucked up, I know-"

"Go away." I say louder but it doesn't faze him.

"I just had too much to drink, I barely even remember that night." He said louder, gear to get his point across.

I sat for a second, removing my hands from my face and staring at the pebbles beside his feet. "Do you remember the night.. in the motel. We promised each other, no more secrets." I look up and his eyes meet mine. I know mine are red and puffy but I don't care. "No more... How long were you gonna wait?"

He doesn't say anything, he just looks down at my feet. I bring my hand to his chin and turn his head up so he'll look at me. "How long were you going to wait, before you told me, you fucked her?" I say as sternly as I could.

He looked at me with uncertainty and didn't answer. "You were never gonna tell me." My words are quite, mostly a thought I said aloud.

I lightly pat his cheek twice before standing and pulling the key out of the key hole with ease. I open the door and grab my bag. Harry kept saying "That's not true," and "Please don't leave," but I pushed his grabbing hands away and hopped in. The ignition came to life and air condition turned on, cooling my hot face.

He stood to his feet and backed away as I pulled out of the parking spot, eyes never leaving me. His hand rubbed repeatedly over his face as he tried to take in what just happened.

I drove away as I tried to calm myself. I focused solely on getting home. That's all I needed. I need my bed, my shower, I just needed to go home.

Once I pulled into the driveway I was so pleased
to see that my dad wasn't home. The last thing I needed was him questioning me about why I was crying.

I dragged myself inside and up the stairs to my room where I knew I could just look and feel terrible and not have to worry about anyone asking questions. I threw my bag on the floor and myself onto the bed. I laid there and stared at the ceiling and this emptiness just took over. For the first time all day I was finally able to feel whatever I wanted and not be ashamed for looking like shit.

He cheated on me.

Those words payed through my mind over and over again.

I wasn't good enough.

I was afraid to say those words out loud. Only then would they be real. I laid there for what felt like forever only to see it had been twenty minutes.

"He cheated on me... because I wasn't enough."

I whispered the last words and I felt a lump form in my throat. My vision slowly became blurry and I began to cry. But it wasn't like earlier in the bathroom or the parking lot. Then I felt like everything was breaking and falling apart so fast but now, it just hurt. Instead of my heart beating 100 miles per second and time moving fast, my heart was turning into dust and time seemed to hold still. I laid there and stared at the ceiling while my chest caved in on itself. This pain, I've felt it before but not as painfully. I've felt it when I think about all the time I lost with my mom. When I see how Delia and Beth are with their moms I wonder how it would've been for my mom to be here to buy my first bra with me and for her to talk to me about periods. For her to teach me about makeup and how to curl my hair without burning myself. Or how to walk in real heals.

My neighbor, Mrs. Ivory, she was like a substitute mother and I love her but she's not my mother. Mrs. Ivory's getting older as well, she's almost 60 years old as of now, she moved out of the house next door last year to live with her sister. She helped me with bras and makeup and getting dressed appropriately because my dad would put me in boy clothes. I just hope when I get married she's still here to sit in the front.

"Mrs. Ivory." I murmur before distractedly wiping my tears and grabbing my keys.

I jumped back into my car and rolled the windows down before heading to Mrs. Ivory's. She knew everything that had to do with Harry and I know she'd be able to help. Even if it was just baking me cookies and holding me while I cried for hours.